Lady Gaga has been a little less interesting as of late, from both a musical and aesthetic standpoint. It seems she’s beginning to falter a bit, and competition from Katy Perry
and Miley Cyrus appears to be getting the best of her. But it seems this was all predicted several years ago by none other than soothsayer extraordinaire Tori Amos.
It was August of 2009 when Tori materialized in front of a reporter for The Sun in a puff of ethereal blue smoke and began to disclose future events:
“She’s what I call a meteor — singers who entertain people for a while. Hey, there’s nothing wrong with that. But then there are people like Neil Young who show up at Glastonbury 40 years into their career. And that’s a very different kind of artist.”
There’s only room in this town for one piano princess, evidently. And it must have seemed a little too sunny in Gaga world, because the shade continued:
“The question is, will Lady Gaga be playing alongside Neil Young at Glastonbury in 20 years’ time? She wants to entertain people. Right now, half the world is depressed and they need to be entertained. So her timing’s perfect.”
Of course, no one listened. The world took Tori’s quiet, sage wisdom and forgot about it. But had everyone been listening, think of all the disasters we could have avoided. Imagine what she may have been saying this whole time unbeknownst to us (thanks to the liberal media, obviously).
We might have stopped Fukushima. Maybe “Grown Ups 2” would never have been released. The consequences are monumental.
So next time you’re wandering through a forest and hear a disembodied voice whisper, “Justin Bieber will not be remembered three years from now,” just smile and chuckle. Because Tori Amos is not the prophet we deserve, but the prophet we need.