The Texting Man Is Keeping Madonna Down


Steve McQueen‘s “12 Years a Slave” – a sprawling epic about the brutality of slavery – is on a fast track to sweep the Oscars this year. So when it premiered in New York, home of the reigning queen of pop Madonna, she had to see what the fuss was about. Except she texted through the whole thing.

A source tells Page Six that “a blonde in black lace gloves wouldn’t stop texting” and that she was seated in the same row as Jason Ritter and Michael K. Williams. Then some evil, repressive theater Nazi confronted the mystery blonde about the phone usage and she retorted:

“It’s for business . . . enslaver!”

Of course, when she ducked out during the standing ovation, it was revealed that Madge was wearing black lace gloves.

Comparing not being able to conduct the business of ordering Venezuelan pool boys via text in a movie theater to slavery is like missing the bus, having to walk somewhere and calling it your Trail of Tears.

Trust us, Madonna. We wanted very badly to send some “business texts” during “Swept Away.” Like, “scheduling appointments with Jack Kevorkian” business. But we didn’t. Because that’s what decent human beings do.

As George Costanza might say: “We are living in a society!”