Six Buzzy Moments From Last Night’s Golden Globes

So the 2014 Golden Globe awards are over, but as per usual, the evening had its share of WTF/holy shit/GIF-able moments because booze. If you missed the show but want to pretend you didn’t, here’s what your friends are probably talking about today.

1. Jennifer Lawrence Videobombed Taylor Swift

jlaw-tswift

Then she joked about pushing her down the stairs, during which Taylor gave a rare shoutout to her haters.

jenn-taylor1jenn-taylor2

But then we found out JLaw and Taylor are actually pals who text on the regular, and suddenly the whole world made no sense at all.

2. One Network Got a Crash Course in ‘Fun Facts’

During the red carpet show, someone at E! lost their damned minds and flashed this when Michael J. Fox was on camera:

Uhhhh that's not fun. That's not fun at all.
Uhhhh that’s not fun. That’s not fun at all.

The gaffe quickly became a meme — and E! later issued a mea culpa, saying in a statement, “We regret the insensitive classification of Michael J Fox’s Parkinson’s diagnosis during our Eonline live stream. We understand the serious nature of the disease and sincerely apologize.”

(Still no apology for “Keeping Up With the Kardashians,” though.)

3. Tina Fey and Amy Poehler Were Great. (Derp.)

Their second of at least three Globes hosting stints proved their brilliance last year wasn’t a fluke. (But really, anyone familiar with either of them shouldn’t be surprised.) Here are their best bits, courtesy of Vulture.

But if you can’t watch that, this joke is the only one you need:

4. Jacqueline Bisset Seemed Like She’d Be Fun to Party With

Jacqueline Bisset‘s win for Best Supporting Actress in a TV Series, Miniseries, or Movie for “Dancing on the Edge” was a stunner, but no one was more shocked than she was.

And after a trek to the stage that required GPS, a zip line and at least four Sherpas (srsly, Golden Globes, how’s about next year we put the nominees up front instead of in a trailer in the parking lot), she gave a loopy, rambling speech that immediately made her a trending topic on Twitter.

5. Emma Thompson Became Everyone’s Lord and Savior

Midway through the show, the typically very regal Emma Thompson took the stage to hand out a Globe. But with a martini glass in one hand and her Louboutins in the other, she gave off the air of someone who’d been forced to take a business call in the middle of a party. The number of effs she did not give was beyond measure.

I love her so.

http://youtu.be/wVOao5qt90U

emma martini

6. Mia and Ronan Farrow Threw Shade at Woody Allen

None of them were even there, but when Woody Allen got a lifetime achievement award (accepted by Diane Keaton because Woody never shows up for these things), his ex Mia Farrow and her son Ronan (who’s also legally Woody’s son but everyone knows he’s actually Frank Sinatra’s kid) had a little something to say about it on Twitter.

Mia took the high road:

But Ronan? Mmmmmnot so much.

 

And there you have it. (For a total wrap-up of all the night’s events, this is a good place to start.)

Katy Perry Might Be a Serial Killer

Twitter
Twitter

Katy Perry is a very difficult pop star to hate. But beneath her beautiful, bubbly veneer must lie some pretty sinister thoughts, because last night at her IHeartRadio album release party (via Gossipcop), she exposed the world to her terrifying secret: She once kept locks of both Miley Cyrus’ and Taylor Swift’s hair in her purse.

“The first time I was at the Grammys, I shared a dressing room with Miley Cyrus and Taylor Swift. I asked for a lock of hair from each. I put little bows around them and put them in my empty purse and carried it around with me.”

So not only was she carrying around locks of hair from these ladies, she was doing so inside an otherwise empty purse. She had a designated hair purse. But at least she knows how that sounds:

“That was really creepy, but awesome. And that’s my secret. And I’m a freak.”

Alright, maybe she isn’t a serial killer. Maybe she’s a voodoo high priestess using the hair samples to control both starlets.  Maybe Katy Perry spends her nights alone in a room forcing her Taylor Swift doll to do weird things that will get her dumped. Like putting jam on meat or licking door knobs.

And maybe Katy Perry was the driving force behind Miley’s VMA performance, laughing maniacally in her dressing room as she made Miley twerk uncontrollably. Or … maybe not.

That said, if we had to be murdered by someone, Katy Perry would be our first choice. Preferably by smothering.

Lorde Shades Selena Gomez and Taylor Swift, Makes You Want to Hug Her in the Process

PREACH, GIRL
PREACH

Ella Yelich-O’Connor, the New Zealand-born singer publicly known as Lorde, may only be 16 years old, but her balls are coming in nicely.

In two separate interviews over the past few months, she managed to get digs in at Taylor Swift and Selena Gomez — and it didn’t sound catty either time. In fact, if you have a kid sister or a daughter her age (or if you are her age), you should be hailing this girl as the Gloria Steinem of the under-21 set.

First, back in June — well before she hit the top of the iTunes charts with the super-catchy “Royals” — New York magazine asked Lorde if any of her ex-boyfriends should be “worried” about the album she was working on. She replied:

“No, no. I try to stay away from talking about boys all the time. You can go to Taylor Swift to hear that.”

Zing.

And then, when Radio New Zealand asked her recently to comment on how women are portrayed in pop music, she said:

“A song came out recently by a big pop star [Selena Gomez] and the lyrical thing is ‘when you’re ready come and get it, I’ll be sitting right here just waiting’ and I just find that so pathetic and I don’t think girls should be listening to that kind of thing and I don’t think that is normal or healthy … I love pop music on a sonic level. But I’m a feminist and the theme of her cover, ‘Come & Get It,’ is ‘When you’re ready come and get it from me.’ I’m sick of women being portrayed this way.”

For chrissakes. Asking me a question like that at 16 would’ve yielded not much more than a slow blink in return, but Lorde is all articulate answers and take-no-prisoners sass and fearless honesty. And after months of Miley Cyrus‘ faux riot grrl bullshit, it’s almost enough to make one weep with joy.

[h/t Fishwrapper]

Joe Jonas Admits He’s Among the Cast of Thousands Who’ve Dumped Taylor Swift

http://youtu.be/fRDiq4Ifm0M

The Jonas Brothers (who I didn’t even know were still a thing) recently went on E!’s “Fashion Police,” and Joe Jonas told Joan Rivers what has long been suspected: Yes, he’s to blame for at least some of Taylor Swift‘s insipid music — because he once broke her heart.

When Joan mentioned Joe is the brother who dated and then ghosted on Taylor in 2008, he replied, “I think it’s me and a few others, but yeah.”

“You did it over the phone, and you got three songs written about you,” Joan went on, causing Kevin Jonas to pipe up with, “We still haven’t seen the royalty checks.” (We, kemosabe? Did you help write the break-up text?)

Oh, by the way, yes — word has it Joe did the deed via text. They’d been together for more than a year and he didn’t even have the stones to talk to her in person. Dick move, dude.

Blerg. It’s hard to know who’s worse here: Joe Jonas for dumping someone via text, or Taylor Swift for … well, for being Taylor Swift.

Ed Sheeran Says Taylor Swift Would Never Be As Vindictive As We Already Know She Is

It's cool. I mean, I made you and all, but you don't owe me a thing. Really. [via Instagram]
It’s cool. I mean, I made you and all, but you don’t owe me a thing. Really.

Ed Sheeran, who pretty much owes his career to Taylor Swift, says Taylor Swift would never ever besmirch an ex and Taylor Swift is a super-supportive friend and Taylor Swift only uses words personally approved by bunnies in Disney cartoons. Says Ed Sheeran. A totally unbiased source.

As you’ll probably recall, Taylor was caught on camera at the VMAs talking to bestie Selena Gomez while One Direction (the British boy band that gives Taylor’s ex-boyfriend Harry Styles something to do between cougars) was on stage. And that moment spawned the GIF seen ’round the world:

stfu-taylor

Everyone assumed the remark was aimed at Harry because even though they only dated for about three minutes, that’s like seven years in Taylor Swift years so she took the split pretty hard.

In fact, when she won Best Female Video for “I Knew You Were Trouble” — a song she’s previously acknowledged she wrote about Harry — she pointedly thanked “the person who inspired this song because he knows exactly who he is.” (Subtle lady is subtle.)

But Ed Sheeran now wants us to believe that infamous GIF doesn’t depict Taylor sniping at Harry at all, but rather reassuring Selena about her chances of winning Best Pop Video at the awards.

“Selena said, ‘I think Miley’s gonna win [over me].’ And Taylor was like, ‘Shut the fuck up!’ That’s all that was!” Sheeran claimed at a press conference a week after the fact.

A week during which Selena herself refused to answer when she was asked what Taylor said, instead going on a diatribe about how chicks should be more supportive of each other — which would’ve been a great time to tell the story Ed told.

Except unlike him, she didn’t have, you know, a week and a team of PR people to come up with it.