Nic Cage Sex Photos Are A Thing

Photo Credit: The imitable @classforwine
Photo Credit: The imitable @classforwine

Somewhere out there, at this very minute, photos of Nicolas Cage (whom you’ll recognize from classics such as “The Sorcerer’s Apprentice”) having sex are circulating in the ether.

The photos in question were stolen from the house of Nicky’s ex and baby mama, Christina Fulton, who decided to keep them around for some reason. Kinda like analog snapchats with no expiration date.

According to TMZ , the culprit is Ricardo Orozco – a handyman who had access to Fulton’s house and used it to boost not only a box of the dirty pics but also four, count ’em,  four computers. Ricardo was nabbed last month, charged with felony burglary and is being held on $1 million bail.

But the photos have not been recovered and cops are still on the hunt. For naked photos of Nic Cage. There aren’t enough donuts in the world to make that job worth it.

Anyone who comes across these photos should probably burn them before they’re unleashed into the world and Nic is cast as himself in a Lifetime version of this story.