You Know That Video Where Miley’s Naked? She’s Surprised You Even Noticed That.

Miley Cyrus can’t be tamed and can’t stop and really can’t dance. But the one thing she excels at lately is making people talk about her, and it’s translating into massive sales of her autotuned warbling set to music songs. So clearly, whatever she’s doing is working, even if a lot of people find it utterly cringeworthy.

Still, she’s shocked — shocked! — everyone is making such a fuss about her being naked in the video for her new song “Wrecking Ball.” Which, coincidentally, is the same video that quickly became Vevo’s most-viewed ever. Because Miley Cyrus is naked in it.

“I think the video is much more,” she told Elvis Duran on New York’s Z100. “If people get past the point I make, and you actually look at me, you can tell I look more broken than even the song sounds.”

And yeah, the clip opens with a single theatrical tear rolling down Miley’s cheek, and the song itself is clearly about heartbreak. That’s what you’re supposed to notice, because according to her, paying attention to the blatant nudity just makes you an unimaginative simpleton.

“If people can take their minds off the obvious and go into their imagination and see what the video really means, it is so vulnerable … If you look at my eyes, I look more sad than actually my voice sounds on the record.”

“It was a lot harder to do the video than it was to record the song. It was much more of an emotional experience.”

There you have it. “Wrecking Ball” is about feelings. Miley only fellated a sledge hammer and took off her clothes in the video to show you her feelings so you’d feel them too. Can you see the feelings? Look at them. Look! NO, NOT AT HER TITS. AT HER FEELINGS. DAMN.

It’s like 50 million of you — and counting! — are nothing but pervs. Besides, everyone knows you can’t just stand there and sing with your clothes on and expect people to feel your feelings.

(Right, Adele?)

Liam Hemsworth Has Had About All of Miley Cyrus He Can Stand, Thanks

Miley-Liam
Twitter

Miley Cyrus is super-proud of the Twerk of Desperation she did at the VMAs, and even her dad refused to publicly condemn it (giving you a real glimpse into the twisted family dynamics here because if I’d pulled that stunt, my dad would’ve charged the stage with a tranq gun and a tarp).

But there IS a guy in Miley’s life who wasn’t pleased: her fiance, Liam Hemsworth, who reportedly found the whole spectacle “mortifying.”

“He is over her and wants to make a clean break,” a snitch told Us Weekly. “No more back and forth.”

Liam, 23, and Miley, 20, hooked up in 2009 while filming “The Last Song” together, and he put a ring on it last year. Since then, though, things have been rough — largely because Miley now thinks she’s the black Pink. (Or the white Rihanna. Hard to say lately.)

The betrothed pair is still living in the same house but supposedly sleeping in separate rooms, which isn’t surprising since at a recent joint red carpet appearance, they looked like an awkward couple set up on a blind date by their well-meaning grandparents.

More recently, Liam spent last weekend with his family in Toronto, supposedly to support the premiere of brother Chris Hemsworth‘s new movie, “Rush.” Or maybe he just got a sneak peek at Miley’s “Wrecking Ball” video and left the country in protest.

We Watched Miley Cyrus’ ‘Wrecking Ball’ Video So You Don’t Have To. Here’s What Happens.

Miley Cyrus has been busy lately. While her tongue escaped her mouth and ravaged downtown Los Angeles like a misfit kaiju monster, Miles went to Germany to mingle with the little people (literally). Now, as the world rallies to get rid of her, she has released a new video for “Wrecking Ball.”

Join us as we travel into another dimension. A dimension not only of sight and sound but of mind. And venereal diseases. This will be a journey into the wondrous land whose bounderies are that of the imagination. At the sign post up ahead, your next stop: the Miley Zone.

Continue reading We Watched Miley Cyrus’ ‘Wrecking Ball’ Video So You Don’t Have To. Here’s What Happens.

Miley Cyrus Is Using Little People as Props Now

One of the loudest complaints after Miley Cyrus‘ VMA debacle was that she’d essentially used black women as props during the performance. But don’t worry, African-American ladies of the world — it isn’t just you. Miley uses little people as set dressing, too!

During an appearance on the German TV show “Schlagg Den Raab,” Cyrus did a mellow version of “We Can’t Stop” (which, I’m sorry, is still an awful song that Rihanna has to be happy she didn’t get stuck with) and her entire band was comprised of little people. There was even a tiny little blonde twerker in shiny silver leggings with junk in the trunk that Miley gleefully slapped.

In fairness, the band was pretty good and that dancer could move far better than Miley herself. But … seriously? We’ve had teddy bears, black chicks, big booty hos, and now little people. What’s next on the list of novelties? Death row inmates? Orphans in wheelchairs? Lindsay Lohan?

Miley Cyrus Is Using Filthy Words in Her Tweets Because She’s Totally a Grownup Now

Twitter
Twitter

A couple weeks ago, Miley Cyrus did that thing at the VMAs that made millions of people involuntarily cringe in embarrassment for her.

Then right as the furor over it was dying down (because that little tart Robin Thicke felt up was bogarting the spotlight), Miley lied through her grill and said everyone else was giving her VMA performance way more thought than she had, even though it was clear that every second of that mortifying mess was carefully planned for maximum shock value.

Last night, she tweeted out “Maximum Shock Value 2: Electric Boogaloo.”


 
Oooh. WHAT A REBEL YOU ARE, MILEY. How edgy and cool and outre! We weren’t sure before, but swearing like that TOTALLY seals the deal. In fact, we know you won’t be 21 until November, but since only AUTHENTIC BONA FIDE GROWNUPS use that word, let us buy you a drink. You’re already an adult to us!

Seriously, I can’t even with this girl. Has no one told her it’s okay to take a day off from trying to convince everyone Hannah Montana is dead in the trunk of her car?

‘Twerk’ Is in the Dictionary. Are You Happy Now?

Beetletwerk, Beetletwerk, Beetletwerk!
It’s SHOWTIME!

It’s definitely the year of the twerk. Three days after Miley Cyrus paraded around like a bear going into epileptic shock, Oxford Dictionaries announced that “twerking” is officially a word.

Listed as a verb (informal, of course), Oxford defines the supposedly sultry move as:

[to] dance to popular music in a sexually provocative manner involving thrusting hip movements and a low, squatting stance: just wait till they catch their daughters twerking to this song 

And as we know, there is nothing sexier than a low, squatting stance. (Notice how Oxford made no mention of how it’s a perfectly reasonable thing to do while singing a song about date rape.)

The AP talked to Katherine Connor Martin of Oxford about the etymology of the word, and she said they believe “the most likely theory is that it is an alteration of work, because that word has a history of being used in similar ways, with dancers being encouraged to ‘work it.’ The ‘t’ could be a result of blending with another word such as twist or twitch.” They also think the word originated in the ’90s (even though the dance itself has been around far longer).

This is a move that makes sense. While seemingly everyone with a camera, mic or keyboard was weighing in on Miley’s performance, we couldn’t help but notice that Noam Chomsky was conspicuously silent. Now we can finally get some real insight.

Also, you now have a link you can give old people so you no longer have to explain exactly what twerking is, because that’s just icky. Win/win, really.

Maybe next they can add blumkin.

Oh Stop It. Miley’s VMA Performance Was Nothing Like Britney’s.

MTV / YouTube
MTV / YouTube

Miley Cyrus took the stage at the VMAs on Sunday night and gave a performance that was so embarrassing, I was uncomfortable FOR her. (And since I soak in celebrity news, my bar for something like that is pretty damned high.)

But a little perspective, please. She’s not the first marginally talented star to humiliate herself in public and she won’t be the last. Everyone screaming about how Miley will be the downfall of Western civilization either has a super short memory or simply assigns too much power to half-naked little girls who desperately want someone to think they’re all grown up now.

And speaking of such … in the coverage I’ve read, more than one writer has name-checked Britney Spears and her smokin’ performance at the 2000 VMAs. And yeah, there are some similarities. Brit was almost 20, Miley’s 20. Both had to bust outta the Disney princess thing. And so on. But if you watch their respective performances, they are WORLDS apart.

Britney, for all the emotional problems that would follow, owned her on-stage sexuality. Possessed it. Attached strings to it and made it dance — and it danced its ASS off. Spears, like many pretty pop stars of the 2000sies, has limited vocal gifts. But who cares when she can move like that?

(Brief aside: I saw Janet Jackson during her Rhythm Nation tour in 1990 and was astonished how many people were disappointed she lip-synced some of the show. Dude. If you went to a Janet Jackson show for the vocals, YOU MISSED THE POINT.)

Miley, on the other hand, showed no such physical prowess on Sunday night. That wasn’t dancing. It wasn’t sexy. It was only meant to get attention. She might as well have just come out, flipped the audience off and pooped right there on stage. End result would’ve been roughly the same: shock and awe and half the talking heads on TV hysterically predicting the imminent arrival of the apocalypse.

Stop it already. What we saw was just a little girl who doesn’t know what sexy is because she doesn’t yet possess the nuance required to properly express it, so she did the most cliched shit possible — she wore very little, did a bunch of pelvic thrusts, and wiggled her ass in everyone’s faces. LOOK AT ME BEING SEXY. LOOK! I MADE IT SUPER OBVIOUS SO YOU WOULDN’T MISS IT.

Think about a toddler who plays dress-up with mommy’s clothes and shoes and make-up, clopping around the house in too-big high heels and smeared red lipstick. That’s what I saw when I watched Miley. (Except toddlers are often cute and don’t, you know, reek of desperation. Or try to be a race they aren’t.)

Anyway, watch Britney’s performance and then watch Miley’s. Pretty sure you’ll see what I’m saying.

http://youtu.be/L9veBQ2V70o