It’s a well established fact that Kanye West has believed he is a deity (douchity?) for some time. Now some asshole has validated him by creating Yeezianity – a new religion that professes Kanye is a messenger from god. It’s just what we need.
This is, unfortunately, a real group “who believes that the one who calls himself Yeezus is a divine being who has been sent by God to usher in a New Age of humanity.” Seriously.
The founder of the pseudo-religion – who wishes to remain anonymous – gave an interview with Noisey and explained himself, claiming he was serious but spouting such inane bullshit that anyone with a vague grasp of who Kanye West is wouldn’t be able to believe him:
“First of all, he is the most honest person in our culture. He has the highest moral standards and highest integrity. He is the most creative person. And as it’s typical with creative people, he gets a lot of flack from the lower minded masses. It’s not even that they don’t like him, it’s that they don’t know what he’s doing because the press gives it this negative spin all the time. And now it’s people feed on it so it’s this constant negative trance. But, like, College Dropout is probably still my favorite album of all-time.”
Hear that? Kanye has the highest moral standards. He’s also the most creative. (Somewhere, Lady Gaga is hanging up a hat made of catheter tubes and weeping.)
The religion has 5 pillars, which is a complete rip off of Islam (which ripped off Christianity, which ripped off the Torah). You’d think a religion devoted to creativity would try harder. Regardless, they are as follows:
1. All things created must be for the good of all
2. No human being’s right to express themselves must ever be repressed
3. Money is unnecessary except as a means of exchange
4. Man possesses the power to create everything he wants and needs
5. All human suffering exists to stimulate the creative powers of Man
Sounds pretty good, right? It also sounds like vague platitudes that Phillip Seymour Hoffman might spit out in a blooper reel for “The Master.” Not the mention that we’ve never seen Kanye West disown any money.
Other pillars that should be considered include:
1. Thou shalt have your body guards beat the shit out of people for minor inconveniences
2. Thou shalt wear a mask to protect thine heavenly artistic integrity
Yezianity is pretty much all set to start a new crusade – kicking photographers in the balls and setting up shrines to Dat Azzz® everywhere. Now we just have to wait for Richard Dawkins to run into a member of the church on the street for an impromptu debate.