Sharon Osbourne Boned Jay Leno. Sweet Dreams!

Because “The Talk” is a show that nobody really watches, it began its new season yesterday by having co-hosts expose dirt on themselves and other celebrities in a segment called “Big Secret.” That’s when Sharon Osbourne claimed to have had a hot and torrid “fling” with Jay Leno when she was 25.

Sharon, now 60, said it all started when she made a prank phone call to Jay (we’ll go out on a limb and say drugs were involved), which lead to him coming to her home. She wasn’t dating Ozzy yet, and so she and Jay carried on for a few months before the future “Tonight Show” host/ex-host/host again met the “love of his life,” Mavis, whom he married shortly thereafter.

As if all this information wasn’t enough, Osbourne’s co-host Julie Chen — clearly a complete and total masochist — asked how Leno was in bed. Sharon said she couldn’t remember because it was “so long ago,” but she did say Jay was a good kisser. (Ozzy might be, too, but we’d imagine he probably just confuses her for Judy Dench a lot and screams at her for trespassing in his house.)

Anyway, this whole thing is a little bit like imagining Mary Poppins shacking up with your creepy uncle. It’s something you don’t want to think about, but it’ll keep you up at night nonetheless.