Cameron Diaz: Pubemeister

Bodies should be seen AND haired
Bodies should be seen AND haired (Instagram)

Remember Cameron Diaz? Remember “The Mask”? Well, you’re old, because that came out nearly 20 years ago. But since the “Bad Teacher” residuals aren’t paying the bills, Cameron’s written a new book entitled “Body Book” – which happens to have a whole section called “In Praise of Pubes.” Seriously.

You can probably guess what this is all about, but here it is in Cameron’s own words:

“I hear that there’s a big fad these days of young women undergoing laser hair removal on all of their lady bits… Personally, I think permanent laser hair removal sounds like a crazy idea…I know you may think you’ll be wearing the same style of shoes forever and the same style of jeans forever, but you won’t. The idea that vaginas are preferable in a hairless state is a pretty recent phenomenon, and all fads change, people.

So if you ever run across Diaz at a Hollywood soiree and plan to woo her back to your hotel room with your knowledge of Proust or whatever the hell Cameron Diaz is interested in, be prepared to run into a tustle of Charlie’s Angel hair. She continues:

Pubic hair also serves as a pretty draping that makes it a little mysterious to the one who might be courting your sexiness…Pubes keep the goods private, which can entice a lover to come and take a closer look at what you have to offer…Also, let’s be honest: just like every other part of your body, your labia major is not immune to gravity. Do you really want a hairless vagina for the rest of your life?

And now you will never be able to watch “Knight and Day” on blu ray without picturing drooping vaginas. Just kidding. No one will ever purchase “Knight and Day.”

Finally, Diaz sums up everything by saying: “Consider leaving your vagina fully dressed, ladies. Twenty years from now, you will still want to be presenting it to someone special, and it would be nice to let him or her unwrap it like the gift that it is.”

And with one fell swoop, Cam’s successfully robbed the title of Pubemeister from Jennifer Love Hewitt (who will surely be crushed) and her vajazzler. Perhaps the two could collaborate on some sort of “too much information” project. We smell a podcast — and that’s all we’d like to smell, thank you very much.