Rihanna Broke Her Inner Party Girl

This just makes us want to nod off.
Doesn’t this just make you want to nod off?

You might think a chick who’s posted hundreds of risque selfies for millions of people to gawk at and routinely blazes blunts the size of wiffle bats wouldn’t describe herself as “square.” But Rihanna has apparently partied so much and so hard that she’s looped all the way back around to boring.

She and her completely mundane penis purse dropped by Alan Carr‘s British TV show “Chatty Man” on Friday, where she regaled him with metaphorical tales of early nights and Hallmark Channel movie marathons.

“Recently I’ve become a square. I hate partying,” she said. “I don’t know if it’s my heels — I don’t like standing in my heels for hours. I don’t know if it’s that, but I’ve been so bored of it … [Maybe] it’s because it’s the same music every night … Maybe we need some more DJs.”

Oh, and if you see tumbleweeds, they probably came from her dry, dusty lady parts. She hasn’t had sex in “ages.”

“I am such a bootleg rock star. I do nothing, literally,” she sighed. “I’m embarrassed to say that actually. That’s so disgusting. That’s fucking pathetic.”

Then Alan made fun of Rihanna’s mullet and all was right with the world again.