Oh Goodie. They’re Remaking ‘Poltergeist.’

AMC
AMC

Because nobody has any original ideas left, MGM and Fox 2000 are remaking “Poltergeist,” Deadline reports, and actor Jared Harris has been cast in a pivotal role.

Harris is a veteran character actor (and son of Richard Harris), appearing as Moriarty in the second Guy Ritchie’s “Sherlock Holmes” sequel, in a recurring role on “Mad Men,” and as General Grant in Spielberg’s “Lincoln.” But he’s also dipped into genre territory before: He just wrapped Hammer Film’s “The Quiet Ones,” and worked on John Carpenter’s return to the screen in “The Ward” three years ago.

Harris will be joining Sam Rockwell and Rosemary Dewitt, who play the victims of the titular spook. All three are great performers. It begs the question — how in the hell were they roped into appearing in this? Is nothing sacred? Why not remake “The Maltese Falcon” with Zac Efron? Maybe Taylor Lautner can be Quint in the new “Jaws.”

To top it all off, like icing on a shitcake, it’s being penned by David Lindsay-Abaire, who wrote “Rise of the Guardians” and “Oz the Great and Powerful.” By now you’re probably thinking, “How long have I slept?” and scrambling for your calendars to make sure it isn’t April 1st all over again. No such luck.

There’s nothing else to say, really. We covered this because we felt guilty drinking when it’s only Wednesday. Now, armed with the knowledge there’s a remake of “Poltergeist” lurking out there, it’s all justified. Bottoms up.

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