Pippi Longstocking Has Grown Up, Will Let You Watch Her Sex Tape Now

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Tami Erin beat out thousands of girls to play Pippi Longstocking in 1998’s big Hollywood reboot, “The New Adventures of Pippi Longstocking.” Since then she’s kept a fairly low profile and kinda sorta pursued a modeling career. Until last week, when she claimed an ex-boyfriend was shopping around a sex tape and she went on a media blitz to explain she would never ever ever let it see the light of day.

But — surprise — she’s had a change of heart, and TMZ reports she’s going to sell the tape to the highest bidding smut peddler to get the one-up on her ex. “My ex boyfriend is trying to release it with or without me. I’m beating him to the punch,” she said.

So why do we care? For starters, part of Pippi Longstocking’s story is that she’s the strongest girl in the world. If you shrug this off, she may break your thumbs. Second, if anything can resolve the mounting tension over Syrian intervention, it’s this. There’s no other hope. And third, anything’s better than “Backdoor Teen Mom.”

So if you’re into porn where women lift horses over their heads and stack pancakes up to the ceiling, your day (not to be confused with your scrubbing day) has come.