Mark Wahlberg Graduates High School, Continues to Be Famous

Universal Pictures
Universal Pictures

Mark Wahlberg, the 42-year-old star of this summer’s “Pain and Gain,” finally completed his high school education — just like the guy who served you your Egg McMuffin this morning.

Mark never graduated high school as a teenager because he was too busy rapping shirtless and exposing the world to his third nipple. Also, teachers refused to call him Marky Mark. It’s haunted him ever since (like “The Happening”‘s box office receipts), so he began taking online classes to get his diploma and prove his intellectual prowess.

Now that he’s graduated, he’s going to take on the world by continuing to do exactly what he’s been doing. Because, you know, he’s a famous movie star and all. But he could probably go get a manager position at Wal-mart or something, too. It probably just depends how many people see “Ted 2.”

Regardless, don’t let Jaden Smith get wind of this.