The Girl Attached to the Ass Robin Thicke Felt Up Tells Her Story

Robin and Lana, sittin' in an utterly unoriginal tree
Robin and Lana, sittin’ in an utterly unoriginal tree

If you’ve been lying awake nights wondering why the very-married Robin Thicke recently performed a public proctology exam on someone who wasn’t his wife, that girl has now spoken out and solved the mystery. Even if some of her story is clearly bullshit.

Lana Scolaro is described as a “socialite” and has the vacuous, underfed Olsen-twin look required for the title. Her Instagram photos are exactly as trite as you’d expect: Lana with tiny dogs in expensive handbags, Lana partying with other cookie-cutter blondes, and Lana hanging out on tropical beaches.

So as soon as her ass went viral, she promptly did an interview with Celebuzz (home of the Kardashian blogs), because that’s a law for girls like her or something.

She starts out by saying she and Robin met the week before through mutual friends, and then adds:

“I was actually going over to the DJ booth and he followed me. His security guard took the photo and said, ‘you guys make a cute couple.’”

“I knew his hand was on my butt. I posted it on Instagram and didn’t notice the reflection. But someone noticed it and commented … I didn’t think it would cause this much drama. I didn’t know it would be all over everything like this.”

In other words, a famous married guy treated her ass like a stress ball, but no big. Also, Robin’s bodyguard is apparently a 14-year-old girl.