Kesha Needs Better Handlers

Kesha was on “Jimmy Kimmel Live” on Monday, and they went right off the deep end within the first 30 seconds, with the singer talking about how she’s being manipulated by hypnotherapists and pseudo-scientists who (presumably) charge her a bunch of money for them to fill her head with nonsense.

“I go into my past lives,” Kesha asserted. “I really do.”

When Kimmel pushed her on what those past lives might be, Kesha said:

“I’ve been a warrior princess. I’ve also been a dude many times, which makes sense.”

She proceeded to talk about how she’s had a lot of “issues” which lead to “past life regressions,” and the whole thing sounds reminiscent of people surrounding Howard Hughes and telling him it’s totally legit to store jars full of piss and grow out his toenails until they’re Sylvia Browne length.

Then she describes an incident from her MTV reality show when a spirit of some sort allegedly took up residence in her vagina. This is something she believes. A woman who supposedly has an IQ of 140.

“I know it sounds ridiculous, but in all honesty, I believe in all this crazy shit,” Kesha affirmed, adding that she was told she had “dead people” inside her.

“Who told you this, to start with?” Kimmel asked.

“My hypnotherapist!” she replied, going on:

“Then she said she had to exorcise my body and then I got a ghost meter to read and it just beeped…just at my vagina.”

Naturally, the person telling you there’s dead people inside you must receive compensation for removing said dead people over the course of regular sessions. Sounds a bit like Scientology, actually.

We’d also invite Kesha’s hypnotherapist (or Kesha) to prove that Kesha is possessed and win a cool million from the James Randi Educational Foundation. They could give the money to charity.

Anyway, at the conclusion of her story Kesha added that “it all makes sense now,” and we can’t agree in the slightest. But on the upside, she looked amazing.

So there’s that.