This Week in Goop: Gwyneth Makes Out With Stella McCartney + Shills $700 Jeans

Be rich and famous enough and you too might someday smooch a Beatle's daughter
Be rich and famous enough and you too might someday smooch a Beatle’s daughter

“To celebrate our first capsule collection with Stella McCartney,” said Gwyneth Paltrow in this week’s Goop newsletter, “we threw an English Garden Party in the Hamptons.”

I looked and looked and … nope. I can’t find a single word in that sentence that doesn’t have a trust fund and a coke habit. And it’s a good thing, too, because they’ll need all that scratch to afford the McCartney/Paltrow collaboration.

Here are the six items — a blazer, a pair of “trousers,” a jumpsuit, black and navy jeans, and two handbags. (There are no shirts, but don’t sweat it — you can always pick up an $88 tee.)

Aw. Two things are already sold out. :(
Aw. Two things are already sold out. :(

The handbags have already been snapped up, but you can still get a pair of those jeans. Except they aren’t really jeans — they’re midnight-blue velvet pants styled to look like jeans. (All that ingenuity must explain the $695 price tag.)

But if you want in Stella and Gwyneth’s pants, your bank account better be bigger than your ass — because nothing in the entire collection is larger than a size 10. Put down the credit cards and back away, fatties!

But back to that Hamptons garden party. Famous faces in attendance included Sarah Jessica Parker, Cameron Diaz, Naomi Watts, Stella’s dad Paul McCartney, Gwynnie’s husband Chris Martin, and her mom Blythe Danner. They (and their kids) played “lawn games” and ate “British snacks,” and then after dark, probably enjoyed a roaring bonfire fueled by back issues of Vanity Fair.

And during the party, longtime BFFs Gwyn and Stella posed for some photos together the way all besties do — in a liplock.

gwynethkiss

Is “British snacks” slang for “pot brownies” now? Because this looks like something I once saw at a frat party. If memory serves right, these ladies are moments away from dousing each other in beer and dancing topless to “Cherry Pie.”

Anyway, here’s more video from the soiree. As always, Gwynnie … we’re not worthy.