Lesbian Feminist Farrah Abraham Is Your New Joan of Arc. Or Something.

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Farrah Abraham‘s “Let’s talk about Farrah Abraham” press tour is currently in its Florida leg, so she recently gave an interview to the Miami NewTimes. And in between reading David Hume’s “A Treatise on Human Nature” and daintily nibbling on crumpets, she repeated her lame story that James Deen, her porn co-star, leaked what she intended to be a “private” tape. (Because Farrah attended the Walter White school of lying.)

The interviewer, Allie Contri, then said it was “pretty shitty” of Deen to leak their tape (a phrase Edward R. Murrow employed often), and then used that as a springboard onto the subject we all wanted Farrah to discuss: feminism.

Do you consider yourself a feminist?
I’m pretty feminine. I think so.

Not feminine — feminist.
What does that mean, you’re a lesbian or something?

No, that’s not what I’m asking at all.
What context are you saying it in?

It’s a complicated concept, but I guess at it’s most basic, it means that women are equal to men.
Oh, I definitely feel that women are equal to men. No doubt about that. I mean women should have equal rights to men, every day.

So, not just on Tuesdays?¬†For someone who holds herself up as a role model for women, a 21st century single mother who’s in control of her sexuality, she may want to crack a book once in a while. But in all fairness, she also believes “misogyny” is a fear of miso soup. So, you know.

Undaunted, Ms. Contri pressed on, asking Farrah about her ungodly abomination of an album. Farrah wasn’t in the mood, wanting to promote her strip club appearance at Vivid Live instead.

And so —
So was this not about the club at all? Because I’ll make sure to tell Jackie [from Vivid] that we didn’t mention any details.

What’s your role gonna be for the club?
I’m here to talk about it, because I’m going to be there promoting it. It will be September 12th, Thursday. And I will be there from 11 p.m. to 1 a.m. It’s for Vivid Live, and they put $10 million into it.

Do you like the way Vivid handled your tape, now that all is said and done?
You know what, I’m just going to get off the phone, but I wish you all the best.

Yeesh.

So that’s it, folks. Farrah Abraham is the new chest face of feminism. Do away with your Mary Wollstonecraft books. Forget that period where you devoted four years to becoming a Plathian scholar.

Just pay to take a picture with Farrah Abraham in a Miami strip club, do not pass go, do not collect $200, and watch the patriarchy crumble beneath your stilettos.