Donald Trump to Edward Snowden: NO BOOBIES FOR YOU

Today in LOLWUT, the bewigged, bewitched and bewildered Donald Trump lowered the boom on the exiled Edward Snowden:

Reached for comment from his undisclosed Russian location, Snowden sighed and didn’t say, “Well, shit. There goes my Saturday night … I guess I’ll just have to stay in hiding instead of going out to ogle and objectify women.”

“Also, could Donald Trump BE more of a shameless attentionwhore? For chrissakes. And they said I brought shame to America.”