Oh, Good. Lindsay Lohan and Miley Cyrus Are Hanging Out Together Now.

Filed under "Good Ideas That Are Terrible"
Filed under “Good Ideas That Are Terrible”

Because it’s the best idea ever for a troubled girl fresh out of rehab to hang with the human equivalent of a frat party, Lindsay Lohan and Miley Cyrus have apparently formed some sort of unholy alliance.

Page Six reports:

The tongue-waving twerk queen was seen at a Chelsea club with Magic Johnson’s son EJ Johnson and Andrew Warren when, a spy said, “Lindsay climbed over from her table next to the DJ booth to Miley’s table.”

Then, “The two immediately began whispering in the corner. From that point on, the two tables essentially became one.”

We hear LiLo’s crew included dreadlocked Ralph Lauren model Morgan O’Connor, who sources said has been seeing Lohan, but also looked like he hit it off with Miley on Saturday night. Cyrus and Lohan “stayed till just after 5 a.m.” and even left together.

We’d tell LiLo to be careful because Miley totally seems like the kind of chick who’d hook up with a pal’s boyfriend — but then we saw Morgan and he’s white so never mind, Lindsay. You’re safe.

Kim Kardashian Says Giving Birth Made Her Vagina Even Prettier

Her gynecologist is in for a treat
Her gynecologist is in for a treat

No matter what you’ve heard, the “miracle of childbirth” isn’t so much a miracle as it is evolution and biology coming together (so to speak) to produce a shiny new person and, quite often, a vagina that needs little orange cones placed around it and a blinking “closed for repairs” sign.

Unless, of course, you’re Kim Kardashian. Then your ladyparts go through the process and come out on the other side looking super pristine, like a muddy Jeep after a car wash and detail.

Fishwrapper reports Kim’s mouth produced these words in this order:

“When I came back from the hospital, the first thing I did was go and look at my vagina in the mirror. It looks better than before.”

Herpa derp. Gotta peep the moneymaker and be sure nothing’s out of place (and that Kanye and Riccardo Tisci didn’t dress it up like a daybed or hang beaded curtains in the windows or anything).

But hey, she probably wasn’t serious anyway. Everyone knows the first thing she really did when she got home was pass off her kid to a waiting fleet of nannies.

Stop It, Lady Gaga. Just Stop.

Here’s Lady Gaga, who’s desperately trying to get you excited for her new album “Artpop,” and barely raising more than a few “meh”s on Instagram.

Gaga’s been doing her best to hype this album by appearing all over with more weird shit on her head and super pretentious Twitter Q&A sessions, but really she doesn’t need either. Because when she strips down (figuratively) and just sings, she’s fantastic. And then she has to go and ruin it by doing something stupid.

We still love you, G. But sometimes less is more. Even Miley Cyrus is starting to figure that out.

Try it.

It’s Cute How Special Kylie Jenner Thinks She Is

Behold the Queen of the Children of the Corn
Behold the Queen of the Children of the Corn

Kylie Jenner, the youngest of the Kardashian Koven, is 16 years old and quasi-famous only because one of her big sisters made a porno and got the family a reality franchise. So of course she’s part of Hollywood’s new generation of enfants terribles.

From People:

On Oct. 18, the 16-year-old “Keeping Up With the Kardashians” star reportedly cruised into a luxe Beverly Hills hotel around 8:30 p.m. with her longtime friend Jaden Smith, 15, and a group of other young pals.

According to a hotel source, Kylie was in “a good mood” – that is, until she requested employees provide her and her pals alcohol and bottle service.

An insider claims that when Kylie was turned down, she berated the hotel host, asking, “Do you know who I am?” The source adds that the reality star also declared the swanky hotel “not worth her time.”

We’re told the host held firm as Jenner stormed out of the bar with her entourage while reportedly cursing that the establishment was “f–– lame.”

“She was a complete nightmare,” says the hotel source. “She started out really nice. But when she didn’t get what she wanted, it was like someone flipped a switch.”

The fact that someone said this happened isn’t surprising. The fact that People reported it is — because of all the media outlets, it’s the most celeb-friendly (generally it’s just an echo chamber for publicists). So when it spills dirt, it’s not speculation. That shit happened, yo.

Today, Kylie dropped some wisdom (or at least as much as a girl who’s besties with the empty vessel of Jaden Smith can drop).


 
If you’re snickering at her definition of “class” and “dignity,” just remember she was raised by Kris Jenner, who has no problem with a 16-year-old girl getting manicures like this or posting photos like this. Everything’s subjective.
 

Here’s the Cake Wreck Drake Got for His Birthday

O Canada
O Canada

Today is Drake‘s 27th birthday, and someone was nice enough to get him a cake. A really, really awful cake.

Allegedly, this is a depiction of Drake’s hometown of Toronto. We see his “Started From the Bottom” billboard, the CN Tower, the Habibiz Café (his favorite hookah spot), a couple ads for his new album “Nothing Was the Same,” a Starbucks, and … STREETS PAVED WITH SKITTLES.

Or maybe those are Smartees. Regardless, between the free health care, candy-lined avenues and birthing Michael J. Fox, Canada is obviously a magical place. Too bad it’s melting like the Wicked Witch in a rainstorm.

Quick, Drizzy — blow out the candles before things get even worse.

Katy Perry Might Be a Serial Killer

Twitter
Twitter

Katy Perry is a very difficult pop star to hate. But beneath her beautiful, bubbly veneer must lie some pretty sinister thoughts, because last night at her IHeartRadio album release party (via Gossipcop), she exposed the world to her terrifying secret: She once kept locks of both Miley Cyrus’ and Taylor Swift’s hair in her purse.

“The first time I was at the Grammys, I shared a dressing room with Miley Cyrus and Taylor Swift. I asked for a lock of hair from each. I put little bows around them and put them in my empty purse and carried it around with me.”

So not only was she carrying around locks of hair from these ladies, she was doing so inside an otherwise empty purse. She had a designated hair purse. But at least she knows how that sounds:

“That was really creepy, but awesome. And that’s my secret. And I’m a freak.”

Alright, maybe she isn’t a serial killer. Maybe she’s a voodoo high priestess using the hair samples to control both starlets.  Maybe Katy Perry spends her nights alone in a room forcing her Taylor Swift doll to do weird things that will get her dumped. Like putting jam on meat or licking door knobs.

And maybe Katy Perry was the driving force behind Miley’s VMA performance, laughing maniacally in her dressing room as she made Miley twerk uncontrollably. Or … maybe not.

That said, if we had to be murdered by someone, Katy Perry would be our first choice. Preferably by smothering.

Someone Let Rihanna Into a Mosque

Even if you’re the most ardent Rihanna fan, it’s safe to say she’s not a bastion of dignity or class. So when she visited the United Arab Emirates recently, they decided to let her into Abu Dhabi’s Grand Mosque — because what could go wrong?

Long story short, RiRi took a bunch of photos in Rhianna poses and promptly got kicked out because the mosque felt her fashion shoot tainted the “status and sanctity of the mosque.” You don’t say.

What’s the point of adhering to the rules pertaining to covering your head and wearing a head-to-toe ninja jumpsuit (how much do you want to bet there’s some pasties under there?) if you’re going to take sexy photos?  And even though there’s been no reports of it, let’s go ahead and start the rumor she stuffed her pockets with bacon, too.

If Rihanna’s going to make religious landmarks her thing, the next logical conclusion is walking around the Crystal Cathedral in a thong once she gets back to the United States. That’s something everyone would enjoy.

Farrah Abraham Got a ‘Mom’ Tattoo to Honor Herself Because Of Course She Did

Sometime in the past few days, “Backdoor Teen Mom” Farrah Abraham took time out of her busy, busy schedule of not being a porn star to get some ink and pay homage to herself — simultaneously.

https://twitter.com/F1abraham/status/390951640804499456/

At which point her 4-year-old daughter Sophia — the same kid Farrah recently pretty much abandoned — dropped her crayons in disgust, rolled her eyes and said, “Bitch, please.”

Then again, maybe the joke’s on us. The tat may say MOM from this angle, but just remember when Farrah’s feet are in the air, it says WOW.

Porn Star Farrah Abraham Says She’s Not a Porn Star

Just because she posed for this doesn't mean she believes it
Just because she posed for this doesn’t mean she believes it

In “Backdoor Teen Mom,” Farrah Abraham willingly and enthusiastically busied pretty much all her bodily orifices (except maybe her ear holes) on camera. Then she sold the tape to Vivid, an adult film company. Then she bought herself a new rack and promoted her sex tape (and herself) at strip clubs and porn expos. Oh, and then she signed a deal to sell rubber replicas of her vaj and b-hole, and even posed spread-eagled as the molds were being made.

But, as she recently told TheGloss, that doesn’t make her a porn star or anything.

“I am not a porn star. I’m going to be done doing adult gentlemen’s clubs and exotica expos soon, you know. At first I loved doing that, meeting new fans that appreciated me as being on ‘Teen Mom’ and having a sex video that was out. Now I feel like it’s gotten too far and I just kinda want to be done with that. I think going out and doing some of these things are fun, but when it gets to a point when it’s not fun, it’s more distracting, I’m not about that anymore.”

TL;DR: These are not the droids you’re looking for.

By the way, she may not be a porn star (she’s totally a porn star), but according to her personal website, she is “your go to public figure.”
 

Kesha Needs Better Handlers

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Dj2f6vgLdes&feature

Kesha was on “Jimmy Kimmel Live” on Monday, and they went right off the deep end within the first 30 seconds, with the singer talking about how she’s being manipulated by hypnotherapists and pseudo-scientists who (presumably) charge her a bunch of money for them to fill her head with nonsense. Continue reading Kesha Needs Better Handlers