Michael Bay was Clobbered in Hong Kong

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Michael Bay is in Hong Kong today filming the latest installment of his most famous film series, “Explosions. Computer Animation. BANG. BANG. Woman in spandex,” otherwise known as “Transformers 4,” when he was cold cocked by a two brothers trying to rob him.

According to the USA Today, it all started when the brothers approached Bay and demanded he give them $13,000 (an amount big name directors routinely carry around in their pockets). When Bay said no, the elder brother body checked him and then proceeded to attack three police officers who responded.

Both brothers were arrested – the older one for assault and the younger for blackmail – and Bay returned to set with some injuries to his face.

Anyone who has ever seen a Michael Bay film has probably wanted to deck the guy. It was bound to happen eventually. But this is not the way to do it. You need old-timey pants and mustaches and your dukes stretched out a foot in front of your face. That’s how you do it.

Still, we’ll just interpret this to mean that early audience feedback for the flick is not very good.

Justin Bieber Is Still Starting Fights His Bodyguards Have to Finish

Isn't it past your bedtime?
Isn’t it past your bedtime, brah?

A few days ago, Justin Bieber posted a photo of himself pulling several Gs so he’d look like he had muscles, and I mused that if he keeps working out, he might someday win fights like a man instead of letting his bodyguards do the dirty work (as is his way). But that day has not yet come. Continue reading Justin Bieber Is Still Starting Fights His Bodyguards Have to Finish

That Gwyneth Paltrow Vanity Fair Piece Is Actually Happening

Disney
Disney

Earlier this year, Gwyneth Paltrow freaked out upon learning that Vanity Fair editor Graydon Carter was planning what she assumed would be a front-cover hatchet job on her. So she wrote emails to all of her bourgeois pals asking them not to talk. But they did, and the magazine is going forward.

Carter gave an interview to The Times (via Radar), where he was pressed on whether he would back down from the Gwynnie story, and he didn’t back down. If anything, it sounds like it will be nastier than originally planned:

“We started a story on her. We have a very good writer and it’ll run.”

Carter elaborated, saying Gwynnie “forced [his] hand,” and that all of her publicists (a whole walk-in shoe closet full, no doubt) are pissed at him, adding: “I can live with that.”

She probably knew she was in trouble when her bestie Jay Z spoke to the magazine for their November issue. That little incident likely resulted in at least one of the help being smacked with a bundle of kale.

We can only imagine what chaos this will bring. Cities will burn. The skies will open up and drown the Vanity Fair offices in an organic, virgin-olive vinaigrette. Everyone will be forced to live in homes with only 4 bathrooms. Mass hysteria.

You did this, Vanity Fair. YOU DID THIS.

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Shia LaBeouf Got Kicked in the Balls in London

Twitter
Twitter

Shia LaBeouf is in London filming his new WWII flick “Fury,” but still found time to use his phone to tape two drunken sisters vomiting outside a bar. The girls told Shia to stop, and when he refused, some anonymous hero beat him up.

The ladies, Ash and Isis Nawaz, told The Sun (via Yahoo) that once Shia began recording the intervening stranger, dude let loose, punching LaBeouf in the face and following it up with a swift kick to the balls.

Oh, what we’d give to switch places with that man.

Of course, Ash has her regrets:

“I only realized it was Shia after he’d been beaten up. If I’d known, I’d have let him film me as much as he liked. I have a massive crush on him.”

We can only imagine what this stranger in the night was thinking while raining blows upon Shia, but it was probably something along the lines of:

“This is for Indiana Jones 4.”
*BOOM*
And this is for every Transformers movie.”
*POW*

Hats off to you, mysterious Londoner. We only wish someone had pulled a Shia and recorded it.

Paris Hilton Almost Clinched a Perfect Radio Interview. Almost.

Paris Hilton has been doing press for her upcoming pre-mid-life crisis album, so here she is appearing on the Raleigh-Durham area morning show “Bob and the Showgram.” (Bob is Bob. We guess that woman is the showgram?)

And things go fairly well until Paris’ infamous sex tape is brought up.

“You know a lot of people – Kim Kardashian, a couple other folks, too – started with the sex video. You did, too. Do you ever wish you didn’t do that back in the day?” Bob asked.

Paris, taken aback, responds: “Well that was not anything to do with me. I just dated a person who was a very sick man. So…”

From there things get tense, but Paris keeps her cool and answers questions until the end of the segment, when she thought she’d hung up the phone — but hadn’t. Which meant she accidentally told the world:

“That was fucking awful. I’m never doing that show again.”

Her publicist – who was apparently monitoring – says, “I’ve already put in a call to them. I can’t believe they brought that crap up.”

If you’re a radio host, you should probably do some cursory research on your subject to know what you’re asking about. Like how, unlike Farrah Abraham, Paris did not orchestrate the release of her sex tape. She also won a substantial damages from Rick Salomon (AKA the “sick man”) in court.

Not to mention that this was nine years ago. If you want to make fun of Paris for something relevant, how about “The Hottie and the Nottie“?

We also have to give Paris for some credit for maintaining her composure, not faltering and even wishing the host a good day before the interview ended. Seems when she’s playing Paris, she’s not a half-bad actress.

Anyway. Bob better watch his back. Paris can get Lil Wayne to lace his sizzurp.
 

Kanye Went on Kimmel Last Night, But Forgot to Wipe His Mouth First

Someone is SO fired for this
Someone is SO fired for this

A couple weeks ago, Jimmy Kimmel made fun of Kanye West, and because the words “self-deprecating” and “Kanye West” are like the opposite poles of a magnet, Kanye lost his shit on Twitter and called Kimmel everything but a white woman.

Fast forward to last night, when Kanye was a guest on “Jimmy Kimmel Live” and Kimmel acted like a kid who was scared of the schoolyard bully taking his lunch money and Kanye said exactly what you’d imagine he’d say (KANYE GREAT, KANYE POWERFUL, KANYE SMASH). But he did it with a very noticeable piece of … well, something in the left corner of his mouth. Which made it really hard to pay attention to his words, but as it turns out, maybe that was his gift to us all. (Thank you, Baby Yeezus.)

Rich at Gawker summarized the last part of the sit-down thusly:

And then, toward the end of the interview (what interview?), Kanye unleashed [a rant that] went virtually uninterrupted for over eight minutes. His free verse freestyle included contemplation of his acceptance in the fashion world, an alternate pronunciation of his name (“Kanyé”), a reference to The Truman Show, a discussion of Michael Jackson having to fight to get on MTV, the question “Who do you know who’s known more for clothes than me?”, fashion-world name-dropping, the statement “I’m not into all that snobbery,” occasional usage of the royal we, and a justification of him comparing himself to Steve Jobs, Leonardo da Vinci, and Jesus Christ, as well as musings on classism, Paula Deen, getting spoofed, making awesome stuff, self-esteem, $4,000 phones, and paparazzi. To that crop: “It’s not safe for you in this zoo. Don’t ever think that I’m not from Chicago.”

Cool story, bro. Continue reading Kanye Went on Kimmel Last Night, But Forgot to Wipe His Mouth First

The Jonas Brothers Had a Bitchfight and Canceled Their Tour

Moments later, there was bloodshed
Moments later, there was bloodshed

The Jonas Brothers may be totally straight (allegedly), but that isn’t stopping them from trying to claw each other’s eyes out. In fact, things have gotten so bad that they’ve canceled their upcoming 19-city tour just two days before it was set to begin.

Their spokesman, Jesse Derris, told People:

“There is a deep rift within the band. There was a big a disagreement over their music direction. [Their future] remains to be seen.”

Pretty detailed stuff for an official statement — usually hired mouthpieces just go with the standard “creative differences” and leave it at that.

TMZ‘s sources say the problems stem from the fact that “each brother had a different vision of where they wanted to take the band, ranging from pop to hard rock,” so “releasing anything new would be a disaster, because the style would be all over the place.” Seems like something they’d have discussed before now, but whatever.

Bottom line is there are a lot of reeeally pissed off people (in several languages, even) over on the guys’ Facebook page right now. It’s almost enough to make you wish Justin Bieber was part of a dysfunctional trio.
 

Roseanne Barr Seems To Be Doing Well, Too

Twitter
Twitter

Meltdowns are all the rage in Hollywood right now, and there was no way in hell Roseanne Barr was going to miss that train. So when “Two and  a Half Men” aired a joke similar to hers, she leapt at the opportunity, chewing out both Ashton Kutcher and showrunner Chuck Lorre via Twitter.

Continue reading Roseanne Barr Seems To Be Doing Well, Too

Fiona Apple Had A No Good, Very Bad Night In Portland

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Fiona Apple hasn’t been doing too great lately. She’s been busted for drugs and her frame has quickly diminished, making her look more and more like a really soulful Zelda from “Pet Sematary.” Now she had a meltdown last night in Portland, Ore. after a heckler called her out for looking “unhealthy.”

Continue reading Fiona Apple Had A No Good, Very Bad Night In Portland