Suzanne Somers Is Your New Go-To Policy Advisor on Obamacare

Chrissy Snow cares not for facts
Chrissy Snow cares not for facts

Suzanne Somers — who made a name for herself going braless on “Three’s Company” and shilling sophisticated merchandise like the ThighMaster — has opinions. Many opinions. And when she isn’t curing cancer, she’s opening her mouth and letting them fall out.

In a self-penned Wall Street Journal article subtly titled “The Affordable Care Act Is a Socialist Ponzi Scheme,” Somers says her husband is Canadian so of course that makes her an expert on the Canadian nationalized health care system.

She rattles off a couple personal anecdotes (HORSES GET BETTER HEALTH CARE THAN PEOPLE DO IN CANADA, YOU GUYS) and engages in some cliched fear-mongering and misinformation before musing:

And then there is another consideration: It’s the dark underbelly of the Affordable Care Act reminiscent of what Lenin and Churchill both said. Lenin: “Socialized medicine is the keystone to the arch of the socialist state.” Churchill: “Control your citizens’ health care and you control your citizens.”

Except, uh, neither Lenin nor Churchill said that shit. As The Atlantic points out:

Churchill wasn’t a huge fan of Britain’s health system in his later years, but he helped set it up. There’s no record that he said anything about its being a tool for control. And that Lenin quote? Made up.

What is this world coming to when you can’t even rely on washed-up sitcom stars for medical advice anymore?

Jesus. We’re so distraught we had to watch Kristen Wiig doing a dramatic reading from “Touch Me: The Poems of Suzanne Somers” just to cheer ourselves up. (You? Are welcome.)

If You Don’t Know ‘Obamacare’ Is Just the ACA’s Nickname, You’re Why We Can’t Have Nice Things

Late last week, my TV wife Rachel Maddow talked about some polls showing that the Affordable Care Act has at least a 10 percent higher approval rating than “Obamacare” does — EVEN THOUGH THEY’RE THE EXACT SAME THING. Also, when you break the law down, point by point, people actually like it no matter what it’s called. A “man on the street” segment on last night’s Jimmy Kimmel bears this out.

This means two things. One, proponents of the ACA have done a shitty job explaining what’s in it. And two, stupid people are stupid.

We now return you to your regularly scheduled government shutdown, already in progress.

Anthony Weiner Loses Big, Flashes the Least Offensive Thing He Has

Unsurprisingly, Anthony Weiner will not be the Democratic mayoral candidate for New York City. He officially conceded on Tuesday night, but since he came in fifth place, he really didn’t have to bother.

And as he exited his “victory” party (thanks for classing the joint up, Sydney Leathers!), he bid a fond farewell to his friends in the media.

It’s a bird! It’s a pla—-no, it’s just a bird.

https://twitter.com/LindseyChrist/status/377652982491648000/

Eh, big deal. Look, if Anthony Weiner’s going to flash something at you, better a finger than anything else.

My question is, how many dick pics do you suppose he sent out last night? I mean, you have to assume the only thing stopping him from REALLY going wild was the mayoral race, and now that that’s over, I’m betting a whole bunch of people got Carlos Danger’ed last night.

So if you see a cell phone this morning stinking of gin and doing a walk of shame, spare it a kind word. You have no idea what it’s been through.

Hopefully, John Kerry Follows Madonna on Instagram

Instagram
Instagram

Madonna took time out from wearing a grill and studying the Talmud to make a succinct statement on United States foreign policy yesterday — just because she can.

Writing with the steady penmanship of a 7-year-old, Madge scribbled “U.S. stay out of Syria. For fuck humanity’s sake” on some generic printer paper, taped it to a wall, and then took a photo of it. That’s dedication.

Even more interesting was the comment section — because most of Madonna’s Instagram followers are astute political commentators — chiming in with quips ranging from “Bigggg Like for this :)” to “How can you love children and turn the other way?”

Political ramifications aside, it would be fascinating to see what Madonna’s reaction would be if we told her Assad was holding truckloads of 18-year-old Colombian boys hostage. She doesn’t like anyone stepping on her territory.

She’s Heisenmadge. She’s the one who knocks, dammit!