David Cassidy Nailed For Drunk Driving

Cassidy

Keith Partridge took that whole “c’mon get happy” thing too literally and was pinched for DUI early this morning in New York after driving around with his high beams on (probably searching for members of the Brady family to run down).

The arresting officer smelled alcohol on the 64-year-old Cassidy’s breath and administered a field sobriety test, which you aren’t legally obligated to take, but David did anyway because self-incrimination is his god-given American right. Then he blew a .1 and was swept away to the drunk tank and eventually released on a $2,500 bail.

We can’t help but feel he could have gotten off if he had looked the officer square in the eyes and belted out:

“I think I’m wasted
So what am I so afraid of?
I’m afraid that I’m not sure of
What I want to eat now.”

Anyway. This incident is exacerbated by the fact that he had a prior DUI in Florida a few years ago, making this one a felony. You can view video of that stop below.

Amanda Bynes’ New Name Is Disabled. Gravely Disabled.

@amandabynes, Twitter
Twitter

Remember that time TMZ reported that all the drugs mashed up into Amanda Bynes‘ daily bowl of peanut butter and marijuana were working and she was getting better? None of that was true at all.

In fact, doctors deemed it necessary to extend Mander’s psych hold for another 30 days, saying she is “gravely disabled.” Meanwhile, her parents have been granted temporary conservatorship so they can make sure she doesn’t spend any more money on electric socks or bong footballs. TMZ reports:

The conservatorship not only covers Amanda’s personal well-being, it gives her mom the ability to manage her finances.  Amanda’s $4 million savings have been rapidly depleted, though it’s unclear what she’s been spending money on.  The judge cautioned the parents not to make any significant deals without consulting with Amanda’s lawyer.

This judge is worried about her parents making a deal with … who? Maybe there’s a pet accelerant company just waiting for an endorsement. Meanwhile, Amanda’s lawyer is busy googling how much plane tickets to Uruguay cost this time of year.

So the moral of the story is that if you’re rich, you can go all over the country running people over and assaulting random strangers like a methed-out Tasmanian devil and your reign of terror will only be stopped once you endanger an animal.