Bret Easton Ellis Inserted Himself Into the ‘Fifty Shades’ Casting News Because Of Course He Did

Wikipedia/Summit Entertainment
Wikipedia / Summit Entertainment

Because lots of people are discussing the new “Fifty Shades of Grey” casting as if that film will have any merit whatsoever, Bret Easton Ellis decided that the news didn’t have nearly enough Bret Easton Ellis and took to Twitter to correct that.

He told the story of how he was hanging with “Fifty Shades” author E.L. James at a party this summer (some sort of private club for insufferable writers, perhaps) and James disclosed that Robert Pattinson was her first choice to play Christian Grey, the titular character who systematically breaks down and abuses women (kinda like Robin Thicke).

It makes sense that James is envious of “Twilight” author Stephenie Meyers’ Mormon cash cow and would want to cast Pattinson so 14-year-old fangirls would convince their parents to drop them off at midnight screenings. But seeing as “FSoG” began as Twilight fan fiction, we feel this would be a little bit too meta. It’s like casting Mary-Kate Olsen as an anorexic witch. (Oh. Nevermind.)

When James asked Ellis who he would choose to play Christian, Ellis said James Deen, the stunt cock who skulked around for two hours in “The Canyons,” a movie Bret himself penned. Upon hearing this, E.L. James supposedly shoved him — as if you can insult the artistic merits of a woman who writes dialogue like this:

“The woman who brought me into this world was a crack whore, Anastasia. Go to sleep.”

Regardless, Ellis says they were both drunk — wouldn’t you have to be to tolerate this alleged exchange? — and that was the end of the story. (At least we know they both have terrible taste in actors, because Paul Reubens was born to play this part. I know that without even reading a single word of the books.)

Check out the tweets below for some gratuitous name-dropping, because Bret Easton Ellis IS SO POPULAR, YOU GUYS.