Chris Brown Is Seizing Up Because You Guys Are Mean

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Chris Brown — singer, dancer, member of the He-Man Woman Hater’s Club — was hard at work Friday night on what could be his last album EVER when the karmic weight of his douchebaggery collapsed in on him like a Florida sinkhole.

Or, you know, he had some sort of seizure. At least that’s what the person who called 911 said. (Then again, of course that’s what they’d say. Ambulances almost never show up to save anyone from their own bad karma.)

Apparently Breezy’s not an epileptic, and he’s not known to have a Lil Wayne-like affection for sizzurp — so why did an otherwise healthy 24-year-old guy have a seizure?

Here’s his rep’s story:

“His doctor tended to him this afternoon and attributes the NES [non-epileptic seizure] to intense fatigue and extreme emotional stress, both due to the continued onslaught of unfounded legal matters and the nonstop negativity.”

OH MY GOD, YOU GUYS. THIS IS OUR FAULT. OURS. WE DID THIS. US. YOU AND I.

Well, that’s what we get for helping beat the pretty off Rihanna‘s face four years ago. Oh, you weren’t there for that? How about for all the times he’s shown his ass since and reminded people over and over — and over — that his reputation as a rage-monster is well-founded?

Huh. Maybe Chris is far too modest and just giving us credit where it isn’t deserved. But really, we shouldn’t expect any less from a guy christened “God’s anointed” by his own mother.