‘Super Normal’ Shia LaBeouf Slurs Out a Drunken, Non-Plagiarized Apology for Headbutting That Dude

Shia LaBeouf, who is totally NOT FAMOUS ANYMORE, is still famous enough that when he gets all up in someone’s face at a bar and loses his fecal matter, people whip out cellphones and take video of it.

A couple days ago, Shia was at a South London pub named Hobgoblin (srsly) when some dude apparently dissed his girlfriend’s mom. And because Shia is nothing if not chivalrous, he gallantly headbutted the guy. Over a “your mom” joke.

You can hear a woman screaming his name over and over to get him to back the eff off, and eventually he does, only to be chastised by someone who sounds like an extra from “Mary Poppins” right before the video ends.

Then early this morning, video of him talking to some bar patrons later that same night emerged.

If you can’t understand his drunken slurs, here’s a partial transcript of what he says:

“I’m not trying to have, like, any more problems. Like, I’m really just trying to make peace … I’m a normal human being. Look, I accept what I get into to do what I love. I’m not trying to shit on nobody. I’m a human being, you know what I mean?

I’m super normal. Like more normal than most. When people wanna get hostile, or shit on my girl’s mom, or say things that are out of turn …

I’m sorry about that. I got no control over that. I’m just trying to make peace, you know?”

HE’S SUPER NORMAL, YOU GUYS. GIVE PEACE A CHANCE.

Maybe he should stop hanging out at this joint — he was in another fight there back in November of 2012. Then again, he got into a street brawl in front of a bar in Vancouver three years ago, too. So maybe it’s not the locale, maybe it’s him (it’s totally him).

Watching the second video, I almost feel bad for the guy. He can’t even do that thing we all do when we’re drunk — where we bare our souls and think we’re being incredibly deep and poignant when really we’re just sloppy and shouldn’t speak at all — without someone taping it and selling it to a tabloid site.

Then I remember what a douche he is even when he’s sober and yeah, never mind.

Shia LaBeouf Is None Too Pleased With Jim Carrey Right Now

"Wanna hear the most annoying sound in the world?" *Plays "Even Stevens" reruns*

“Wanna hear the most annoying sound in the world?” *Plays “Even Stevens” reruns*

Last night, while presenting at the Golden Globes, Jim Carrey took the stage to announce the winner of Best Motion Picture – Musical or Comedy. He opened this by reciting a famous quote – “Dying is easy. Comedy is hard,” – but then added this addendum: “I believe it was Shia LaBeouf who said that. So young, so wise.”

This, of course, was a reference to Shia’s recent plagiarism “Shia bein Shia” flap, wherein he blatantly copied a short film, and then apologized by plagiarizing several different apologies. But Shia was watching (he has eyes everywhere) and probably began firing off a whole bunch of “No, no no no no’s” in his head. Soon after Carrey’s quip, the “Transformers” star sent this tweet:

Pretty artsy, right? Jim Carrey = Schrodinger’s comedian.

But LaDouche wasn’t done, responding to an E! online tweet and confirming that he definitely Twitter searches himself (but we already knew that):

And even though his grammar and syntax are IMPECCABLE, he forgot to check his facts. Jim Carrey has not abandoned daughter Jane Carrey. In fact, they seem to be pretty tight. And Shia must have someone in his corner looking out for him, because eventually he saw the error of his tweets, ways and being:

(It should also be noted that Jane Carrey is now the one and only person Shia follows on Twitter.)

Meanwhile, Jim Carrey hasn’t said a goddamn word, which is smart – but also odd, considering he has a track record of saying strange things via Twitter.

Hopefully this isn’t all bad. At the very least, we hope they can make up and Shia can come out of faux retirement for a cameo in “Dumb and Dumber Too.” Possibly one that involves being kicked in the balls, since he’s such a method actor.

And never forget:

Shia LaBeouf Has Sex In A Pretty Gross Teaser for Lars Von Trier’s ‘Nymphomaniac’ – NSFW

Danish filmmaker Lars Von Trier is known for his provocative, divisive films and huge, pretentious ego. So when he announced that his next film would be called “Nymphomaniac” and star the wonderful Charlotte Gainsbourg and the generally obnoxious Shia LaBeouf, I knew things were going to get weird. But not this weird.

Seen here in a trailer so NSFW that it was booted from Youtube for violating terms of service, we get to see Shia and co-star Stacy Martin’s characters engaged in some sexytime, juxtaposed with shots of animals and Bach music. Of course.

Earlier this year the film’s producer revealed that they shot the actors simulating sex acts and then shot body doubles actually having sex and combined the two in post production.

Here’s what the clip’s description on Youtube was before it got yanked:

A chorale prelude by Bach: Three voices each with its own character, but in complete harmony. In other words: POLYPHONY

The nymphomaniac is easily inspired, and acts it out.

Right. Or, “People boning interspersed with shots of animals.” whatever.

Even though I sat through the graphic castration sequence in Von Trier’s “Antichrist” no problem, seeing Shia LaBeouf getting paid to cradle this beautiful women was pretty stomach churning, and it kind of makes me wish someone would punch him in the face.

Oh yeah. Nevermind.

Shia LaBeouf Got Kicked in the Balls in London

Twitter

Twitter

Shia LaBeouf is in London filming his new WWII flick “Fury,” but still found time to use his phone to tape two drunken sisters vomiting outside a bar. The girls told Shia to stop, and when he refused, some anonymous hero beat him up.

The ladies, Ash and Isis Nawaz, told The Sun (via Yahoo) that once Shia began recording the intervening stranger, dude let loose, punching LaBeouf in the face and following it up with a swift kick to the balls.

Oh, what we’d give to switch places with that man.

Of course, Ash has her regrets:

“I only realized it was Shia after he’d been beaten up. If I’d known, I’d have let him film me as much as he liked. I have a massive crush on him.”

We can only imagine what this stranger in the night was thinking while raining blows upon Shia, but it was probably something along the lines of:

“This is for Indiana Jones 4.”
*BOOM*
And this is for every Transformers movie.”
*POW*

Hats off to you, mysterious Londoner. We only wish someone had pulled a Shia and recorded it.