Kaley Cuoco Married That Guy She Just Met

What could possibly go wrong?

What could possibly go wrong?

Back in July, “Big Bang Theory” actress Kaley Cuoco did about two weeks of public photo-ops with “Man of Steel” star Henry Cavill before they realized no one was buying that shit and called it off.

Then in September, she announced she was engaged to tennis player (no, not “tennis star,” despite what the rags want you to believe) Ryan Sweeting, her boyfriend of three months. This caused everyone with fingers to count how many months it had been since her supposed “split” with Cavill, and to come up with a number less than three. Oh.

Relationship overlaps aside, the issue then became the fact that I’ve owned my current tube of mascara longer than she’s known this guy, and despite all her public proclamations of “when you know, you know,” oh dear God no.

But it was all good because in October, Kaley was all GEEZ, EVERYONE CALM DOWN, DAMN, explaining in an interview, “We are too busy to wedding plan. In a year we will start talking about it. We are enjoying being engaged.”

Time to get out your countin’ fingers again. How many months are in a year? That’s right — twelve. How many months between October and December? Uhhhh not twelve. PENNY CAN BEND THE LAWS OF PHYSICS, YOU GUYS.

Wearing a bubblegum pink Vera Wang gown (because why waste the pretty white gown on your first wedding), Kaley swapped vows with Ryan on New Year’s Eve at an elegant Southern California ranch that someone spent a lot of time trashing up to look like a Vegas wedding chapel. (Or “decorating.” Whatever.) Guests included Kaley’s “BBT” boyfriend and all-around nice guy Johnny Galecki.

Afterward, the newlyweds posted a bunch of photos on Instagram looking like two drunk teenagers at prom. Some of those shots are after the jump.

In the meantime, let’s just hope television’s second highest paid woman made her beloved sign a prenup. Right now everyone’s happy and everyone’s in love, but in the esteemed words of Her Royal Highness Cyndi Lauper, “Money changes everything.”

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Kaley Cuoco Is Engaged to Her Boyfriend of Three Months. That’ll End Well.

The faces of true (and kind of instant) love.

The faces of true (and instant) love

Just a few months ago, Kaley Cuoco — better known as Penny from “The Big Bang Theory” — was having a very public relationship with Henry Cavill, Superman in this year’s “Man of Steel.” Then they broke up because the PR people who orchestrated the pairing had a slapfight or something and called the whole thing off.

Now, barely a minute later, Us Weekly confirms she’s engaged to tennis “star” Ryan Sweeting. (“Star” in quotes because I follow tennis and who? He’s currently ranked 525th in the world. That’s really more of a tennis “player,” Us Weekly. Pump the brakes.)

Anyway, Ryan put a ring on it yesterday, with an insider saying, “It’s only been three months but she knows Ryan is the one … [She's] never felt this way. She knows this is it. And the ring is gorgeous!”

Since then, Kaley’s tweeted out “Flying high, I could literally touch the sky with you,” and she’s Instagrammed a photo of two penguins together with the caption, “I love u @ryansweething.”

Seems totally solid. (Confidential to Kaley: Prenups are your friend.)

Here’s the Highest Paid Rack on Television

ABC

ABC

“Modern Family” bombshell Sofia Vergara has topped Forbes’ list of the highest paid actresses for a second year in a row, netting $20 million in 2013 — partly by being a Cover Girl spokeswoman or suggestively slurping from cans of Diet Pepsi. (She’s selling soda AND boners.)

“The Big Bang Theory”‘s Kaley Cuoco came in second, maybe because someone realized she’s the only enjoyable thing on the program. Bolstered by her Priceline and Toyota endorsements, she hauled in $11 million.

Mariska Hargitay was No. 3, but since she’s been in the game longer than the other two, I’m thinking it equals out. Also making $11 million now, she’s been solving predictable sex crimes cases on “SVU” for 15 years.

Next is the imitable Tina Fey, raking in $10 million for her run on the erstwhile “30 Rock.”

And rounding out the top five is Bethenny Frankel, who seems to make a nice living by just refusing to go away. These days, she’s getting her own talk show and selling Skinnygirl margaritas to body-conscious alcoholics, which means she’s somehow managed to turn her villain position on “Real Housewives” into a $10 million venture. (Congratulations, America. You did this.)

Don’t spend it all at once, ladies.