‘Super Normal’ Shia LaBeouf Slurs Out a Drunken, Non-Plagiarized Apology for Headbutting That Dude

Shia LaBeouf, who is totally NOT FAMOUS ANYMORE, is still famous enough that when he gets all up in someone’s face at a bar and loses his fecal matter, people whip out cellphones and take video of it.

A couple days ago, Shia was at a South London pub named Hobgoblin (srsly) when some dude apparently dissed his girlfriend’s mom. And because Shia is nothing if not chivalrous, he gallantly headbutted the guy. Over a “your mom” joke.

You can hear a woman screaming his name over and over to get him to back the eff off, and eventually he does, only to be chastised by someone who sounds like an extra from “Mary Poppins” right before the video ends.

Then early this morning, video of him talking to some bar patrons later that same night emerged.

If you can’t understand his drunken slurs, here’s a partial transcript of what he says:

“I’m not trying to have, like, any more problems. Like, I’m really just trying to make peace … I’m a normal human being. Look, I accept what I get into to do what I love. I’m not trying to shit on nobody. I’m a human being, you know what I mean?

I’m super normal. Like more normal than most. When people wanna get hostile, or shit on my girl’s mom, or say things that are out of turn …

I’m sorry about that. I got no control over that. I’m just trying to make peace, you know?”

HE’S SUPER NORMAL, YOU GUYS. GIVE PEACE A CHANCE.

Maybe he should stop hanging out at this joint — he was in another fight there back in November of 2012. Then again, he got into a street brawl in front of a bar in Vancouver three years ago, too. So maybe it’s not the locale, maybe it’s him (it’s totally him).

Watching the second video, I almost feel bad for the guy. He can’t even do that thing we all do when we’re drunk — where we bare our souls and think we’re being incredibly deep and poignant when really we’re just sloppy and shouldn’t speak at all — without someone taping it and selling it to a tabloid site.

Then I remember what a douche he is even when he’s sober and yeah, never mind.