Paris Hilton, Who Can’t Really DJ, Gets Paid a Lot of Money to DJ

Play that funky music, white girl

Play that funky music, white girl. Or just let someone else do it for you.

Since Paris Hilton can’t really make a living just being Paris Hilton anymore, she got herself a job: She’s been DJ’ing all over the world and getting paid a shitload to do it. She even recently said she’s one of the top five DJs on the planet, causing real DJs like Paul Oakenfold to sputter and make all the lolz.

So you probably won’t clutch your pearls when I tell you that someone on Quora asked “Is Paris Hilton a Good DJ?” and the answer was a resounding “mmmmno.” The photo above was provided as evidence, along with the explanation:

In the middle of Paris Hilton’s subpar deejay debut in Brazil [in 2012], a man suddenly appeared from behind the booth and started twisting the knobs on her Traktor Kontrol, essentially doing her job for her.

Never in my life have I seen a DJ – professional or amateur – let another person touch anything in their personal space while they are at work. It just isn’t done… unless of course, the person in front of the crowd is not really deejaying.

Paris plays pre-programmed mixes, none of which are any good. She doesn’t mix at all while she’s on stage. She dresses like a cocktail party guest instead of like an actual DJ. She spends more time dancing on stage than actually spinning records. Even after dating Afrojack, one of the top DJs in the world, she clearly does not have a grasp of how to play for a crowd.

In fairness, sleeping with someone does not magically infuse you with their powers. (If that were true, I’d play one hell of a guitar solo.) (And maybe some drums too.)

Meanwhile, someone else went all existential:

The question contains an invalid assumption: Paris Hilton is not a DJ. Claiming this is the most offensive thing you can say to any real DJ. She’s a moronic celebrity, aiming to “look cool” behind the decks, nothing else. Therefore she cannot be “good” at something she is not at all in the first place.

Which begs the question: If an heiress falls in the woods and there’s no one around to hear her, does she just hire someone else to make a sound?