Let’s Check In On Miley Cyrus’ Bangerz Tour

Miley + Weinie 4 Lyfe (Twitter)

Miley + Weinie 4 Lyfe (Twitter)

Miley Cyrus is in the middle of her Bangerz tour, where she’s been struggling to do all sorts of crazy shit nightly and maintain her headline quota.

First, she pretended to masturbate on stage, which probably made Madonna spit fetus blood all over in outrage.

Then Miley decided to up the ante by miming fellatio to a guy in a Bill Clinton mask. But this wasn’t very controversial, either. It’s ancient history, and everyone except maybe Glenn Beck is over it. (By the way: Miley was six years old when the Lewinsky scandal hit.)

And because that wasn’t doing the trick, she then did the same thing to Abe Lincoln, who looks mighty stoic for someone being graced by the all-knowing Tongue of Cyrus.

Regardless, she at least looks healthy and is delivering exactly what her fans want. Like this one:

So what’s next, Miley? Maybe you could sit on the face of an Aaron Burr lookalike as he duels Alexander Hamilton. Maybe you could reenact the Salem witch trials and writhe around on a portrait of Cotton Mathers.

Either way, thank you for giving our youth a crash course in American history/assless chaps. You are a patriot.