It’s been a few months since Kim Kardashian gave birth to baby girl North West and then promptly began ignoring her. But even though Kim left little Nori at home and jetted off to Paris Fashion Week, she still can’t forget about the kid — because a bunch of bourgeois fashion designers keep giving her baby clothes.
And since Kim can’t turn down free designer clothing any more than she can turn down film crews wanting to record a sham wedding, here are a few of the choice outfits that she’s thoughtfully posted to Instagram (mistakenly assuming people want to see them and not pictures of her ass).
First up we have a lab coat from Maison Martin Margiela, just in case North wants to cook Gerber meth or animate a dead body. Because what kid doesn’t want their own lab coat? Specifically before they can speak — a vital time for science experiments. Granted, when your parents are Kim Kardashian and Kanye West, learning about science (or anything other than the family tree) will probably not be encouraged.
Here’s some Givenchy, courtesy of Riccardo Tisci (who clearly isn’t content to badly dress just one generation of Kardashians). It’s a t-shirt featuring Bambi being sliced in half by a thin buzzsaw or something. His severed arms are flying through the air past a naked man sitting down. So, you know, that’s great for kids.
Alver Elbaz of Lanvin sent these tiny dresses, which are far and away the most appropriate pieces we’ve seen thus far. Aside from that hideous stick creature on the top right. Look at that thing. Look at its wafer thin black arms, its weird raccoon makeup and its emaciated frame. Imagine that thing coming after you in the middle of the night, like an A-Ha video from hell. Thanks, Lanvin.
Finally, there’s this weird S&M getup from Alexander Wang. If it looks familiar, you’ve probably played one of the Resident Evil games at some point. Also good if Kim wants to drop Nori off at a Slovakian hostel overnight.
So there you have it. North West will never be without bizarre, miscellaneous clothing items. But take pity. Pretty soon, getting free things will be her only respite from the horror of Bruce Jenner‘s face.