No matter what you’ve heard, the “miracle of childbirth” isn’t so much a miracle as it is evolution and biology coming together (so to speak) to produce a shiny new person and, quite often, a vagina that needs little orange cones placed around it and a blinking “closed for repairs” sign.
Unless, of course, you’re Kim Kardashian. Then your ladyparts go through the process and come out on the other side looking super pristine, like a muddy Jeep after a car wash and detail.
Fishwrapper reports Kim’s mouth produced these words in this order:
“When I came back from the hospital, the first thing I did was go and look at my vagina in the mirror. It looks better than before.”
Herpa derp. Gotta peep the moneymaker and be sure nothing’s out of place (and that Kanye and Riccardo Tisci didn’t dress it up like a daybed or hang beaded curtains in the windows or anything).
But hey, she probably wasn’t serious anyway. Everyone knows the first thing she really did when she got home was pass off her kid to a waiting fleet of nannies.