For a while now, Justin Bieber has had two male accomplices living inside his house (kinda like Liberace). Their names are Lil Twist and Lil Za, and their days consist of driving around Justin’s hood like assholes, terrorizing kindly old people. But now they’re aspiring to bigger, more whore-tastic goals: reality television.
TMZ caught up with the Za one (which I foolishly assumed was short for “pizza,” but the TMZ pap calls him “zAY” so I don’t even know anymore) while he was eating fast food inside his car like a businessman seeking a moment of respite from a loveless marriage. And that’s when he announced the big news.
“We’re actually about to pitch a TV show with MTV. Hopefully they pick it up. They will, though. It’s quite entertaining. We are,” he said between bites.
What a cocky bastard. Oh, of course we’ll get a television show. Like, I just finished emailing President Obama for tax exempt status. He’ll do it, though. I’m Tiny Pizza.
The show, Za says, will deal with Lil Twist’s music career. (If you asked “What music career?,” you win.) He also dropped another bombshell, casually announcing, “I’m actually working on acting, myself.”
You mean to tell me this guy’s going to be popping up on “Law and Order: SVU” now? Maybe Olivia Benson can run him down with a car. For society.
Anyway, the pap continues to question him about all sorts of shit — including a rumor that Scooter doesn’t want Twist inside Bieber’s house. This being Scooter Braun, Justin’s manager, who has all the money in the world and still calls himself “Scooter” like a rejected character from “The Goonies.” (He probably has a bitchin’ pog collection, though.)
Furthermore, how sad is this paparazzi that he’s pushing 40 and interviewing a kid barely old enough to vote while he sucks down chow mein inside a car?
The pap finishes off by asking what Za ordered, because after a few questions they had already run the gamut of anything and everything remotely interesting about Za himself.
Then you sit there, staring at a black monitor, questioning exactly where your life went wrong. Wherever it was, this doesn’t help. Thanks, MTV.