Justin Bieber Spent Christmas Punking the Internet

Ho-Ho-Hoax

Ho-Ho-Hoax

Justin Bieber, who’s not a girl but not yet a woman, made his legions of pre-pubescent fans scream in horror last week when he told a radio host he’d be retiring soon. His camp later laughed nervously and was all “that Justin, WHAT A SCAMP.”

But since he’s spent the past couple years touring the world, being pelted with training bras and creating an ecosystem for tabloid writers, his manager Scooter Braun did say he’d encouraged his sentient little gold mine to take 2014 off.

Then came Christmas Eve, when the Biebs had an announcement for his nearly 50 million Twitter followers:

Right afterward, he launched into full-on promo mode for his new movie, “Justin Bieber’s Believe,” which opened on Christmas Day and OH I SEE WHAT HE DID THERE. Creating a false sense of scarcity is the oldest marketing trick in the book! Nicely played, but everyone knows an attentionwhore like Justin Bieber isn’t going anywhere.

Kind of unfair for the non-Beliebers among us, though. For one shining moment, we actually believed in the miracle of Christmas.