Reigning-but-retired porn queen Jenna Jameson has done some dirty things in her life. But none of them can match what the denizens of 4chan’s /b/ board, a wretched hive of scum and villainy, have accomplished in their short span on Earth. So when Jenna needed help tracking someone down, that’s exactly where she went:
Hi Guys, it’s me, Jenna Jameson and I am having a really bad night. My ex assistant who goes by the name of
redactedturned out to be a con artist. I do not know if redactedis his last name.
I finally found him out and fired him… Since he was previed [sic] to my personal information such as passwords he reset and probably deleted my twitter @jennajameson and has also removed all pictures of me and him from my instagram.
He is completely fucking with my digital life and so I ask if you have any ideas of who he is please let me know. I am in the process of consolidating and resetting all my passwords. I will be attaching images of him shortly.
Chan residents greeted the message with an appropriate level of incredulity, and even though Jenna wrote “Please ‘no tits or GTFO” — a staple of the board — they said it anyway, demanding a naked photo before going onward with the investigation. She complied, snapping photos of her rack (which has held up remarkably well, considering her face is melting Bruce Jenner-style) as well as some of her in lingerie partaking in the “shoe on head” meme.
Within an hour, as per usual, the internet gumshoes took the images Jenna provided and retrieved a social security number, last known address, last place of employment and a credit score for the rogue assistant. (This is called “doxxing,” or gathering documents on a given target, and 4chan is fantastic at it.)
After receiving what she was looking for, she posted one more picture of her ass just to thank her personal not-so-private eyes.
The question remains: What, exactly, does Jenna plan to do once she finds this guy? Will we possibly see a return of the brass knuckle iPhone case? It’s too soon to tell.