Courtney Stodden Says She and Her Vag Are Super Happy to Have Their Freedom

Courtney Stodden recently split from her legally-sanctioned pedophile husband Doug Hutchison, and she wants you to know what happened — in her own words.

So she painted on her best Joker brows, sneezed into a jar of body glitter and did an “exclusive” with E!, home of the Kardashians. Because apparently giving a stage to talentless famewhores is all that network does now.

Asked by E’s crack reporting team what went wrong in the marriage, the now 19-year-old Stodden answered, “My age, obviously.” (Congrats on asking a question so stupid that even Courtney Stodden side-eyes you, E.)

She added that her stint on “Celebrity Big Brother UK” was the first time she’d been separated from Doug for any length of time, and that while she was “missing him,” she wasn’t missing him “intimately.”

“I couldn’t neglect my desires and wanting to embrace my independence and my freedom,” she said. “I [don't want to] neglect my youth.”

There’s more in the interview about her plastic surgery and how much Doug was against it (a rare moment of likability for him), but she insists she’s “happy” to look like if you poked her with a pin she’d go PPPPPFFFFFFFFTTTTTTT and fly around the room.

“I think all that matters [is] following your heart, looking the way you want to look,” she said. “As long as you aren’t hurting anybody else, I think you’re fine.”

Meanwhile, in other news, Courtney and Doug gave a bizarre statement to the Daily Mail saying that although they’ve decided to legally separate, they’ll still be living in the same house together — and that Doug “will still play a role in Courtney’s career as co-manager alongside her mother.”

And then, in what sounds like a Netflix summary for her rumored upcoming reality show, the statement reads:

“Courtney was married at a young age. Now, at nineteen, she’s interested in exploring life as an unmarried single young adult — with the freedom to explore her independence.”

In other words, “Her ladybits are 19, single, and ready to mingle! FELLAS?”