1

Rihanna Photobombing the ‘Full House’ Cast Wins the Day

BfJuYe_IIAAtFVJ.jpg_large

It’s been a while since we’ve seen a good photobomb. Enter Rihanna.

Bob Saget, John Stamos and Mr. Duplicity Dave Coulier appeared on “GMA” this morning to plug their upcoming Super Bowl ad for Dannon Oikos yogurt. Meanwhile, RiRi was there pimping her line of MAC Viva Glam makeup.

But between segments, the “Full House” boys decided to take a selfie (apparently they’re all 16 years old), and that’s when Rihanna stepped in. The result is awesome.

That said, we still don’t understand what the big deal about yogurt is. (Sorry, Jamie Lee Curtis.)

Justin Bieber Got His Dumb Ass Arrested

By now you’ve heard the story already — Justin Bieber was in Miami going way too fast in his yellow Lambo while drunk, and karmic justice was finally all OH MY GOD THIS DOUCHE I CAN’T ANYMORE and so now he’s been arrested.

You want details? Worship at the altar of TMZ.

As for us, we’re just stirring up shit by doctoring his mugshot (see above) and poking sticks in the cage of beliebers on Twitter. As we do.

Marc Jacobs’ Longtime Photographer Refused to Work With Miley Cyrus

It's okay, Miley. You can always just roll her into the ocean.

Y SO SERIOUS

Fancypants designer Marc Jacobs recently hired eternally thirsty Miley Cyrus as a model for his upcoming spring ad campaign, which isn’t much of a surprise — she worked with him on the “Protect the Skin You’re In” T-shirt campaign (remember when Miley photos like this were considered shocking?), and she even presented him with an award at a Fashion Group International event last fall.

What makes this story notable is that Jacobs’ longtime photographer, Juergen Teller, didn’t shoot the Cyrus ads — and that Marc himself was startlingly upfront about it, telling Women’s Wear Daily:

“I have worked with Juergen for years and love him as an artist … He just didn’t want to shoot her.”

Now, if you aren’t familiar with Juergen Teller, you should know he’s famous for his avant garde work that makes everyone look androgynous, underfed and overlit. Like this ad I saw in January’s issue of In Style:

People in need of sunlight and sandwiches

People in need of sunlight and sandwiches

I remembered this particular ad when I heard Teller wouldn’t shoot Miley. Because, Jesus, look at it. What does it say when this is okay but photographing her is totally out of the question? Oof.

In the end, David Sims took the shot at the top of this post and the one below, both with Famewhore Von DaddyIssues looking like she’s trying to figure out where to hide the dead body next to her. So.

Look how edgy she is. LOOK.

Look how edgy she is. LOOK.

Kaley Cuoco Married That Guy She Just Met

What could possibly go wrong?

What could possibly go wrong?

Back in July, “Big Bang Theory” actress Kaley Cuoco did about two weeks of public photo-ops with “Man of Steel” star Henry Cavill before they realized no one was buying that shit and called it off.

Then in September, she announced she was engaged to tennis player (no, not “tennis star,” despite what the rags want you to believe) Ryan Sweeting, her boyfriend of three months. This caused everyone with fingers to count how many months it had been since her supposed “split” with Cavill, and to come up with a number less than three. Oh.

Relationship overlaps aside, the issue then became the fact that I’ve owned my current tube of mascara longer than she’s known this guy, and despite all her public proclamations of “when you know, you know,” oh dear God no.

But it was all good because in October, Kaley was all GEEZ, EVERYONE CALM DOWN, DAMN, explaining in an interview, “We are too busy to wedding plan. In a year we will start talking about it. We are enjoying being engaged.”

Time to get out your countin’ fingers again. How many months are in a year? That’s right — twelve. How many months between October and December? Uhhhh not twelve. PENNY CAN BEND THE LAWS OF PHYSICS, YOU GUYS.

Wearing a bubblegum pink Vera Wang gown (because why waste the pretty white gown on your first wedding), Kaley swapped vows with Ryan on New Year’s Eve at an elegant Southern California ranch that someone spent a lot of time trashing up to look like a Vegas wedding chapel. (Or “decorating.” Whatever.) Guests included Kaley’s “BBT” boyfriend and all-around nice guy Johnny Galecki.

Afterward, the newlyweds posted a bunch of photos on Instagram looking like two drunk teenagers at prom. Some of those shots are after the jump.

In the meantime, let’s just hope television’s second highest paid woman made her beloved sign a prenup. Right now everyone’s happy and everyone’s in love, but in the esteemed words of Her Royal Highness Cyndi Lauper, “Money changes everything.”

[ more >> ]

9 Bizarre Things in the Kardashians’ Kreepy Khristmas Kard

2013 kardashian christmas card

Merry, uh, post-apocalypse

Last night’s “Keeping Up With the Kardashians” was the famewhore fam’s Christmas episode — filmed several months ago because reality shows aren’t scripted at all — and the unveiling of its annual holiday card. Typically they use a group photo where everyone is dressed up and airbrushed to plasticine perfection, but this Christmas they apparently thought they’d try something different. Like, you know, ignoring Christmas altogether.

Employing the debatable gifts of “fine-art photographer” (Wikipedia said it so it must be true) David LaChapelle, the shot is a weird, post-apocalyptic mess that has so many Easter eggs, lots of people are wondering if the Kardashians were punked.

We took a closer look, and here’s what we found:

1. That’s Kim Kardashian on the far left, in a clear place of prominence — with a giant dollar sign beside her. As in, “here’s the family cash cow.” (Also, all this photoshopping and they couldn’t pretty up her stubby little man hands?)

Kim-Kardashian-Family-Christmas-Card

Mooooo

2. This part of the shot (spotlighting Kylie and Kendall Jenner) has all sorts of notable shit. For starters, notice Kylie’s bitchface. Yeah, that’s pretty much how she always looks, but it’s worse than usual here. It’s like she just realized she can’t get her drink on when this is over.

Kendall-Kylie-Jenner-Kardashian-Family-Christmas-Card

Maybe she’ll get a bartender for Christmas

3. Oh, look, there’s Bruce Jenner on a Wheaties box before Kris Jenner castrated him and melted down his face for parts!

4. The pyramid and the eye? Either an homage to the almighty dollar, or all those Illuminati conspiracists just got the BEST PRESENT EVAR.

5. Both sisters are standing on a big pile of tabloids with at least one Kardashian or Jenner on the cover (and without which they could not maintain their fame), but look at the one on top, right in the middle. There’s Kanye West on his Kanye-as-Jesus Rolling Stone cover — another photo not-so-coincidentally shot by David LaChapelle.

6. Finally, in the last close-up of the “Christmas” card below, there’s everyone else. Well, other than the ones with Y chromosomes. Except for Bruce Jenner, who was the only guy in the family who pouted when LaChapelle said he didn’t want anyone with a peen in the shot. So he’s trapped in some sort of airless pneumatic tube while he gazes out at the man he used to be.

Khloe-Kris-Kourtney-Bruce-Christmas-Card

In space and the Kardashian holiday card, no one can hear you scream

7. Kris Jenner, meanwhile, happily sits on the counter of a cashier booth — since really, selling everyone out and then counting the money IS her job. (Several sites have said the “cashier” sign is part of Bruce’s shot, but if you look closely, you’ll see it’s really attached to Kris’ booth and just visible through the glass of his tube.)

8. We see Khloe and Kourtney Kardashian with the next generation, Mason and Penelope Disick (and Mason looking thoroughly and hilariously over it) — so where’s Yeezus progeny North? Possibly on the upper left, wearing a halo under the neon sign that reads “coming soon.”

9. Random bits and pieces: The word “fame” scrawled below Kim and above Kris (who also has “money” scribbled next to her right hand), the ATM sign over Kourtney’s shoulder, the apparent chick-with-a-dick under Kylie’s elbow, and all the TV screens next to Khloe and Kourtney.

Happy Dystopian Holidays from the Kardashian-Jenners!

Courtney Stodden Is News, You Guys

Twitter

Twitter

Courtney Stodden has been everywhere lately, drowning herself in television lights to mourn the death of her relationship with Doug Hutchison. First she appeared on “Bethenny” -  where Bethenny Frankel kicked the shit out of her ala the Farrah Abraham  interview -  and Courtney told the world she doesn’t read or write. And it looks like that was just the first dose.

She posted the above photo to her Twitter recently, and while the idea of Courtney Stodden being on a news network is troubling, it’s less troubling if you realize Fox News isn’t a news network.

Nevertheless, she’s apparently doing something there soon. Probably getting bombarded by angry questions from Bill O’Reilly about whether her lips are perpetuating a war on Christmas or if her breast implants have been thwarted by Obamacare in some way.

Either way, it will surely be informative and amazing television. After all, it’s not like there was a devastating typhoon in the Philippines or anything, right?

Jennifer Lawrence Boards the Pixie Cut Bandwagon

1395945_10151661432571793_1622690002_n

It’s been pixie cut mania lately. First Pam Anderson lopped off her locks (and looked great), then Kristin Chenoweth followed suit — and now “Hunger Games” star Jennifer Lawrence has gotten the same treatment.

J-Law posted the above to her official Facebook page with the caption:

Headed up north for #GLOBALFANDAY with The Hunger Games Catching Fire cast. Follow this page all day for updates!

As to be expected, she looks amazing — and not just because I’ve been enamored with pixie cuts since first seeing Dolores O’riordan in all those Cranberries videos in the early ’90s.

Of course, this being Facebook and all, the peanut gallery erupted in fury, with bitchy 13-year-old girls saying things like “I prefer long hair Jen” and “your hair? NOOOO,” but there’s a reason those proletariats aren’t cavorting around on Jen’s magical pixie cut plane.

Keep doing what you’re doing Jen. You have our full support.

jennifer-lawrence-1

Lady Gaga Is Still Terrifying

Twitter

Twitter

Here’s the album art for Lady Gaga‘s new single, “Dope,” which is the most horrifying thing we’ve seen all Halloween season.

On the cover, Lady G stands wearing an oversized Talking Head jacket and a transient hobo hat and flashing some janky ass teeth. She’s also covered in bruises and cuts and has her eyes obscured. Jesus, Gaga.

G’s been trying rather hard as of late, and it’s kind of sad to watch. This falls into that category. Hopefully she realizes soon that weird does not automatically equal artistic and just starts being awesome again (instead of, you know, pretending to be a meth addict).

Honey Boo Boo’s Family Spent Halloween Slumming As the Kardashians

Discovery

Discovery

The Thompsons of “Here Comes Honey Boo Boo” fame are often compared to the Kardashians (and if you ask us, the insulted parties here are the Thompsons). So this year, they full-on embraced it.

What you see above is a prettier version of the Kardashians, with 8-year-old Boo herself channeling Kris Jenner, her dad Sugar Bear as Bruce Jenner (back when he still had a human face), both Mama June and Uncle Poodle as Kim Kardashian, Anna as Kourtney Kardashian, Kaitlyn as daughter Penelope Disick, Pumpkin as a hilariously spot-on Scott Disick, and Jessica as Khloe Kardashian.

June told People her clan is “just the redneck version” of America’s First Family of Famewhoredom, and while that may be true, we’d rather share a trailer with them than a palace with the Kardashians. At least the Thompsons have some class.