Sam Worthington Beat the Shit Out of A Paparazzo

Remember Sam Worthington? That bland, generically good-looking fellow who starred in “Avatar” and that super shitty “Terminator” sequel that you haven’t thought about since? Well, here’s some video of him beating up a photographer for harrassing his girlfriend.

Model Lara Bingle was walking around the streets of New York aimlessly when the pap began following her and talking to himself like a hobo with a copy of Dianetics – endlessly repeating “I got it on video!” before any of this went down.

After Bingle kicked the photog and told him to stop following her, he kept at it, eventually leading to Jake Sully Worthington running out, smacking him to the ground and screaming “You want to fucking kick me wife?”

The two aren’t actually married, but have been together since 2013.

Both Worthington and the pap were taken in, Sam for assault and the photog – Sheng Li – for reckless endangerment, assault and harassment.

Too bad they couldn’t just plug their hair into the Earth and live in harmony, or whatever.

Dina Lohan Got Drunk and Drove Around, As Usual. But This Time, the Cops Got Her.

Johnny Law

Johnny Law

Dina Lohan, walking performance art and mother of Lindsay Lohan, was nabbed for driving drunk in Long Island last night after going 20 miles per hour above the posted speed limit. Her blood alcohol level was 0.20 percent — which actually sounds like she’d been restraining herself.

Of course, it wouldn’t be a Dina Lohan arrest if she didn’t kick it up a notch, which she did by feigning an injury. After police called an ambulance and checked her out, they quickly discovered she was full of shit and, according to the police report, “she recanted her claim.”

After posing for the above mugshot — which says “Please just take me home, I just want to watch ‘Herbie: Fully Loaded’ and drink a juice box” — she was released to a friend and presumably went somewhere to sleep it off. She’s due in court later this month, when we predict she’ll scream “Sic semper tyrannis!” and leap from her chair, throwing an empty box of Franzia at the judge.

None of this should be shocking. While the human body is made up of roughly 75 percent water, Dina Lohan’s is made up of roughly 60 percent vodka strained through an old sock. Or maybe Dina Lohan is the old sock. An old sock that can drive.

This metaphor has fallen apart, but it sure is a great image.

dina-lohan

Grabby Robin Thicke Is Grabby

After the VMAs, everyone was so busy clutching their self-righteous pearls about what a whore Miley Cyrus is (and she totally isn’t because no one would pay for sex with such a lousy dancer) that her partner-in-ewww, Robin Thicke, largely got a pass. Oh sure, a few people were all DUDE YOU’RE A PERV but that’s nothing he doesn’t hear on the regular. So this week was business as usual for him.

Until this photo of Thicke and some New York socialite together at a VMAs after-party made its way around the interwebs, that is.

Robin Thicke lets his fingers do the walking

Instagram

From the front, yeah, they look a little too cozy for him to be a married dude and all, but that’s not why this picture is being passed around like a cold sore at Burning Man. What’s noteworthy is what we can see in the reflection of the mirror behind them — i.e., his hand so far up the back of her skirt it’s kind of a wonder he didn’t leave his pinky ring behind during the extraction.

Forgetting for a moment that this is expected behavior from guys who wear pinky rings (if you’re one of them, resolve not to be), someone found it startling enough that she tweeted the photo above and aimed it at Robin’s wife of eight years, Paula Patton.

But let’s remember their marriage has always seemed, shall we say, “special.” When it comes to their sex life, they’re known oversharers, and there are rumors they swing (or at least that she’s tolerant of his wandering ways).

Which might explain why the NY Post reports that when it comes to the grabby picture, neither half of the couple “is concerned about it at all.”

David Cassidy Nailed For Drunk Driving

Cassidy

Keith Partridge took that whole “c’mon get happy” thing too literally and was pinched for DUI early this morning in New York after driving around with his high beams on (probably searching for members of the Brady family to run down).

The arresting officer smelled alcohol on the 64-year-old Cassidy’s breath and administered a field sobriety test, which you aren’t legally obligated to take, but David did anyway because self-incrimination is his god-given American right. Then he blew a .1 and was swept away to the drunk tank and eventually released on a $2,500 bail.

We can’t help but feel he could have gotten off if he had looked the officer square in the eyes and belted out:

“I think I’m wasted
So what am I so afraid of?
I’m afraid that I’m not sure of
What I want to eat now.”

Anyway. This incident is exacerbated by the fact that he had a prior DUI in Florida a few years ago, making this one a felony. You can view video of that stop below.

Thomas Gibson, Star of ‘Criminal Minds,’ Didn’t Use His and Wound Up Getting Catfished

Thomas Gibson, star of “Criminal Minds” (previously seen as Greg in “Dharma and Greg” whenever I accidentally forgot to shut off the TV and it just came on – I SWEAR), is probably wishing he was more like his uptight television personas after a video he shot for an anonymous internet stranger was leaked. Apparently playing an FBI agent doesn’t mean you have the investigative skills of one.

In the video — shot during Christmastime last year — the married Gibson sits in a Utah hot tub alone and laments the fact that no one wants to soak with him and awkwardly talks about how beautiful it is there. Alone. You half-expect to hear the Charlie Brown sad music queue up in the background.

Gibson allegedly met the video’s recipient on Twitter, where she initiated correspondence using an account with a fake profile picture. That blossomed into a two-year online relationship with the star.

She now claims she exchanged multiple dirty videos and images with him — except hers were stolen from porn sites. Although her identity hasn’t been revealed, she says she’s 27 and from North Dakota. (Leaving a chance she’s Wilford Brimley, or maybe Jenna Elfman trying to ensnare him into Dianetics.)

After Gibson found out his sexting partner’s photos were fake (which took a whole fucking minute of research on Google Images), he allegedly had his legal representation demand she leave him alone to make himself look like even less of a buffoon. So now, like any entrepreneurial American, she’s going public!

Before he killed his Twitter page earlier tonight, his account bio read, “CBS wants me to keep a Twitter account. Last time didn’t go so well. Let’s see what happens over the next 2 years.” And when a follower asked for his side of the TMZ story, he insisted the video was “spliced.”

Let’s go to the judges.

FIshy