Alicia Silverstone Thinks Diapers, Tampons and Vaccines Are the Greatest Tricks the Devil Ever Pulled

Amazon

Amazon

If you don’t pay much attention to celebrity news, you probably only know Alicia Silverstone as “the blonde one” in old Aerosmith videos and/or as the spoiled-but-sweet Cher from “Clueless.” But in recent years, she’s gained a reputation as a stereotypical hippie mom who does crazy shit like pre-chewing her son Bear’s (yes, that’s his name) food and then spitting it back into his mouth.

Now she’s written a book full of wizened bon mots to “show you the way to have a luminous, present, ailment-free pregnancy.” Along the way, she’ll “help prevent or even cure your PMS, insomnia, allergies, breakouts, weight struggles, thyroid condition, lupus, multiple sclerosis—while significantly lowering your risk of heart disease, diabetes, and cancer.”

Sounds legit.

Here’s a brief preview (courtesy of the Daily Beast) of what you’ll find in the book.

  • Silverstone says diapers are “fueled by corporate-backed pseudoscience” and that if you just pay attention to your child’s “cues,” duh, you won’t need them.

She noticed that “when Bear looked like he was flirting with me, smiling sweetly, or looking deep into my eyes, he’d be peeing.” Another signal was when he would “stare off into space for a second.” She assures readers that it’s “not all guesswork” and if you’re really in tune with your maternal instincts, then you too may start referring to yourself as a “potty whisperer.” And there are myriad benefits for EC-trained babies, who are “much more content leaving their business in the grass than having to sleep and eat accompanied by their own pee and poo.”

Call me part of the problem, but if you show up to my house with an undiapered baby, the lawn is about the only place I’ll let you hang.

  • About tampons, she says:

“[Y]our chichi is the most absorbent part of your body. Unfortunately, feminine-care manufacturers aren’t required to tell you what’s in their products, which means that no one’s talking about the potential pesticide residues from non-organic cotton and the ‘fragrances’ containing hormone-upsetting, fertility-knocking phthalates that are snuggling up to your hoo-ha.”

Chichi? Hoo-ha? Mighty cutesy verbiage for someone trying to convince us tampons are tiny little Molotov cocktails.

  • About vaccines, she doesn’t go full-on Jenny McCarthy (or fellow anti-vax idiot Kristin Cavallari), but she does say:

“While there has not been a conclusive study of the negative effects of such a rigorous one-size-fits-all, shoot-’em-up schedule, there is increasing anecdotal evidence from doctors who have gotten distressed phone calls from parents claiming their child was ‘never the same’ after receiving a vaccine. And I personally have friends whose babies were drastically affected in this way.”

What greater control group could you possibly want than a group of Alicia Silverstone’s friends. And while, yeah, she doesn’t sound quite as unhinged as McCarthy and Cavallari, questioning the safety of vaccines like this is increasingly dangerous.

Blerg.

clueless