0

Don’t Be Fooled By the Rock That She Got, She’s Still Jenny With a New Kid on the Block

Hope you've had your shots, Donnie

Hope you’ve had your shots, Donnie

Subtitle: Three-Time Razzie Award Winner Who People Used To Want To See Naked Engaged to “Entourage” Creator Mark Wahlberg’s Older Brother Who Used to Be Kind Of Relevant

That’s right, your favorite “danger to public welfare” Jenny McCarthy is back in the news, but this time it’s more awwtism than autism (shut up). Despite her earlier protests that she would never again get married, the former host of “Singled Out” and star of a shoe commercial that depicted her with her underwear around her ankles just accepted a proposal from boyfriend Donnie Wahlberg, who was NKOTB’s bad boy if you believe NKOTB was capable of having such things.

The individual-responsible-for-the-spread-of-preventable-diseases was thrilled to accept a substantial yellow sapphire rock from the individual-responsible-for-the-spread-of-boy-bands-like-One-Direction. Unfortunately, Wahlberg did not simply say “please don’t go, girl,” “you got the right stuff” and I want to be “hangin’ tough” with you forever (which, come on, would’ve been cheestastically awesome) but instead enlisted McCarthy’s son to hold up signs asking her to marry Donnie because that’s not emotionally manipulative at all.

The how-are-these-two-not-irrelevant-by-now couple are planning an August 2015 wedding. We expect Debbie Gibson will officiate and the pair will exchange vows and his-and-hers snap bracelets.

In happier news, Jim Carrey is somewhere breathing a sigh of relief and hoping this means the 2am texts will finally stop.

[photos via Twitter/ABC]

0

Talking ‘Drag Race’ with Chiffon Dior — Episodes 7 & 8: Rupersized

rupaul_drag_race_logo

Okay, seriously RuPaul, was a double episode REALLY necessary? I mean maybe, just maybe I had something super fun and exciting to do on Monday night? Maybe I got a booty call and didn’t have time to commit to two full episodes so I could make myself presentable. (Shut up, it could happen.)

Well, this thing isn’t going to write itself — so let’s do it, kittens. [ more >> ]

2

Captain Janeway Isn’t Batshit After All [UPDATED]

Reality! Scientific proof! I shoot you dead! PEW PEW PEW!

Reality! Scientific proof! I shoot you dead! PEW PEW PEW!

UPDATED: Mulgrew issued a statement on her Facebook page saying she was only a “voice for hire” and adding, “I am not a geocentrist, nor am I in any way a proponent of geocentrism.” So it looks like the creepy Robert Sungenis somehow duped more than scientists for his little project.

——————-

Once upon a time, like, 400 years ago, a dude named Galileo posited that the earth revolves around the sun and not the other way around like everyone thought. Long story short, he got in a lot of trouble for his theory, even though he was completely and totally right and everyone has known it for HUNDREDS OF YEARS.

Well, everyone except the 25 percent of Americans that a recent survey found don’t know even the most basic shit about science. And it’s those people that Kate Mulgrew — aka Captain Janeway from “Star Trek: Voyager” and, more recently, Red from “Orange Is the New Black” — is apparently targeting with her latest project, which is narrating a documentary called “The Principle” that says Galileo duped us all and hahahah funny story but the sun actually revolves around the earth, you guys!

Making matters worse is that the filmmaker is noted anti-Semite and Holocaust-denier Robert Sungenis, who boasts about having noted scientists involved with this fairy tale — except at least one of them, Lawrence Krauss, tweeted this today:

Anyway, here’s the movie trailer in which you’ll hear Mulgrew saying, “Everything we think we know about our universe is wrong,” thus causing Neil deGrasse Tyson‘s eyes to roll so hard he had to take a break from filming “Cosmos” to find them.

i_dont_even_ndt

0

Kurt Cobain — 20 Years On

Universal Music

Universal Music

Hard to believe it’s been 20 years since the suicide of Kurt Cobain. (I refuse to type “alleged suicide.” Courtney Love, Cobain’s widow, might not be the paragon of innocence and stability, but that doesn’t mean I buy into the murder/conspiracy theories. Yet, anyway.)

The world has changed a lot from the one the Seattle Grunge Messiah once knew: Doc Martens are no longer the fashionable stompers they used to be, Al Gore’s internet has connected the world in a digital realm of file sharing and animated GIFs, and plaid flannel shirts have once again become the almost sole domain of Canadian lumberjacks.

In the time since Cobain shuffled off this mortal coil, we’ve also seen the rise of Britney Spears, her inevitable fall, her comeback, and her becoming a Vegas staple (there was also some head-shaving in there … but that isn’t really relevant to anything, probably).

Anyway, things might be different than they used to be, but that doesn’t mean that Nirvana has faded from our hearts and minds. Impressively — thanks to live albums, greatest hits, box sets, singles, and previously unreleased tracks — the group has had more album releases posthumously than when Cobain was still with us. And on April 10, Nirvana will be inducted into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame (an honor possibly less significant when you realize Hall and Oates are in the same induction class).

Also keeping Nirvana relevant in modern pop culture? All the court battles that have sprung up over the years between Courtney Love and Cobain’s surviving bandmates, Krist Novoselic and Dave Grohl, over who exactly holds the legal rights to Nirvana’s music.

Aside from that, Courtney and her band Hole recently announced a reunion and an upcoming single, and she’s also kept her legal team busy with a landmark Twitter libel case (in which we all won the right to continue mocking those who annoy us in 140 characters or less).

Meanwhile, Nirvana’s former drummer Dave Grohl started and fronts a little band you may have heard of called Foo Fighters (fingers crossed they’ll take off soon — they’ve only sold 10 million albums in the US but I’m confident they’ll get noticed if they just hang in there). As for Krist Novoselic, Nirvana bass handler, he’s been super politically active and, uh, lost most of his hair.

Look, I know not everyone was a fan of Nirvana’s or Cobain’s. In fact, not everyone reading this was even alive when Cobain’s body was found on April 8, 1994, a few days after he died of a self-inflicted gunshot at the tender age of 27. Personally, I was a fan — and I can still remember where I was when I heard the tragic news. It’s a loss I still feel to this day.

And the worst part is we’ll never know what might have been.

Talking ‘Drag Race’ with Chiffon Dior — Episode 6: Oh No She Betta Don’t

tumblr_n3bgg6uvyA1qlvwnco1_1280

Michelle’s necklace says “Top.” Shouldn’t Santino’s say “Bottom”?

Hello hello hello kittens! I am SUPER excited to be covering tonight’s rap themed episode of “RuPaul’s Drag Race,” because who knows more about rap than a pudgy white drag queen from the ‘burbs? (Based on tonight’s episode, virtually everyone on the show this season it seems.) Let’s get this hot mess over with, shall we?

Yes, I know we're all excited for this.

Yes, I know we’re all excited

This week picked up right as our fearless flock of queens returned to the work room, where Trinity Bonet bravely revealed she is HIV positive and all the girls rallied around her, showing nothing but sincere support. Thus endeth the sole feel-good moment of the show. [ more >> ]

1

Gwyneth Paltrow and Chris Martin’s Split Is More Pretentious Than Brunch in the Hamptons

Because Gwyneth Paltrow can’t even have her heart broken like a poor, she took to her website today to announce that she and her husband of more than a decade, Coldplay frontman Chris Martin, are “consciously uncoupling.”

GOOP crashed hard (and is still down as of this writing) but here’s a screencap:

paltrow-martin-split

This is all very sad and WHO WILL THINK OF THE CHILDREN and whatever, but look at the photo she included. See, when normal people break up, they take Magic Markers and draw evil eyebrows on their exes. Not the Paltrow-Martins.

It looks like they commissioned a portrait session for their split complete with sundresses and ties casually askew, and they probably had Cee Lo’s “Forget You” playing the whole time (Gwyneth’s version from “Glee,” naturally) because they’re evolved enough to already be good friends who can laugh at breakup songs with no residual bitterness at all.

But I like to imagine that late at night, when no one’s looking, she heads for the kitchen and breakup-binges like any other girl. (With an $800 bottle of wine and beluga caviar on gluten-free gourmet crackers, of course.)

Gwyneth-Paltrow eating

Talking ‘Drag Race’ with Chiffon Dior — Episode 4: Shade: The Rusical

510x340

Well kids, it’s late on St. Patrick’s Day evening and you know what that means. That’s right … it means I downed half a bottle of Jameson so you should read my witty comments with a slur. Also that there is a decent chance I will pass out halfway through this recap. I know you’re all pulling for me to make it so let’s get started.

They don't want to see me barf yet either

They don’t want to see Chiffon start barfing yet either.

So my horribly abused liver aside, I’m still Chiffon Dior and this is still TALKING DRAG RACE. I’ll start by saying Monday’s episode began in spectacularly bitchy fashion yet again as our heroine Bianca Del Rio verbally pimp-slapped Gia Gunn about three times in the opening minute alone. [ more >> ]

Talking ‘Drag Race’ with Chiffon Dior — Episode 3: Scream Queens

If this was prison, Linda Blair would have legally been Michelle Visage's bitch.

If this was prison, Linda Blair would have legally been Michelle Visage’s bitch

Well kiddies, its time for another edition of TALKING DRAG RACE with Chiffon Dior and remember, of all the “RuPaul’s Drag Race” recaps you can read, this is definitely one of them.  

In the latest episode, the two groups of queens meet up for the first time — and honey, you could cut the tension in the work room with a brooch. Because much like the Bloods and the Crips, the Hatfields and the McCoys, the Capulets and the Montagues, and Lena Dunham and her stylists, these groups clearly didn’t get along. [ more >> ]